Leaving dead relationships

Some people hold love hostage. Hiding behind a mask, they threaten to kill love if another doesn’t submit to spoken or unspoken demands. Sometimes a piece of love is cut off, a warning, just to prove that they are serious. Only the mind perpetrates such terrorism, mind with its boundless expectations. Such people will never set love free. Any … Read More

Slut shaming on social networks

By Todd Vickers |

Since the January 21st Woman’s March, I’ve seen a lot of slut shaming on social networks.

Memes with scantily clad celebrities who might hold views on non sexual issues like the scientific consensus on climate change or the US accepting of political refugees. They may also state opinions on the right to comprehensive sex education, birth control, and legal abortion. Such … Read More

Lovers in friendship vs. being a player

By Todd Vickers |

I use the phrase ‘friendly sex’ because the term ‘casual sex‘ is cliché, and leads to confusion. I suggest consenting pleasure is better when we include higher qualities in the affection. These qualities are not a function of time, they can happen quickly, slowly, or not at all. More on this later. Such love exists … Read More

My ever changing sexuality

As a teen I grew my sexual legs in a free love community of spiritual seekers, my views are quite non-traditional. I know the world is far bigger than many people imagine it and that we need not be drugged to break out and experience it. That big world requires intelligence and extreme truthfulness to be harmless. Some risk we can’t avoid, like handling food, if we’re … Read More

An allegory applied to relationships

thinking-we-knowImagination is risky when we fill in the unknown. Below is an ancient allegory that exposes the mistake of thinking we know when we don’t.

“A man awakened before the sunrise. He decided to walk the path to work in the forest along the river in the dark. He walked the same path for years and he believed he knew it well enough … Read More

Christians cut off a young girls clit in USA

The reason to scrutinize religion is because religion can be terribly harmful. The example and it is not unique. The irrational fear that some religion instills around sex harms countless people.

“A Christian doctor removed my clitoris when I was three years old as a ‘cure’ for masturbation, writes Renee Bergstrom”… Read more at The Guardian

Bias in love

scaleBy Todd Vickers |

If we’ve felt great pain in past relationships, we probably have some strong beliefs based on those impressions. How can we go beyond our past conclusions in new circumstances? If we believe ‘this’ about women and ‘that’ about men, the real events around us we see through those beliefs like a colored lens.

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Revenge porn | a betrayal of trust

First Person Convicted Of “Revenge Porn” In Oregon Gets Jail Sentencesad-woman

“A 31-year-old Oregon man is going to jail for six months after he published sexual videos of an ex online. He’s the first person in the state convicted and sentenced for “revenge porn.” … Read more.

Revenge porn is in part why I wrote. … Read More

What we’ll do when we’re ‘turned on’

selfie_2By Todd Vickers

When discussing heightened sexual states, let’s look at sex as something like the ocean or like weather, something both powerful and in continuous flux. Sex does not exist to serve our expectations or beliefs but is simply a part of life. If good fortune allows us the opportunity to experience harmless sexual delights, let us feel gratitude. Let’s remember … Read More

Queer America: Now That Trump Will Be President

man-tearsOriginally published at The Huffington Post 11/09/2016

“…we must hold each other as we piece ourselves back together, as we remember who we are ― who we have always been ― and remember what we have stared down and refused to give in to before. Remember what we and those who came before us have overcome, together, for hundreds and … Read More

Don’t miss the love

not-your-ideal

At the age of nine, the death of my beloved sister before she turned twenty taught me something about relationships and this lesson extends to sexual relationships. That what we grieve for in loss is not what the people did for us or helped us to accomplish. We grieve the irreplaceable affections we shared. This love has a value … Read More

Abusing a lovers empathy

1coercionWe cannot be convicted of abusing a lovers empathy with our self-created misery but we can still be guilty. Our ability to feel what we think is one of our conceptual powers. The mind does not communicate to the body in language but instead uses impulses. Those impulses cause real feeling. If we are unaware that we can generate any feeling including misery, it is … Read More

Sex education in Norway

screenshot-from-2016-11-22-16-28-06Enjoy the video below of a country that has real sex education. America on the whole, can’t deal directly with the facts of the sex as an issue. Such a video would be impossible in many states. We force children to learn about sex through ignorant friends or unrealistic pornography. If we consider how low the abortion rate is in … Read More

Sexual Kindness

curvy_shyBy Todd Vickers

We will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this … Read More

Aspiration for a better life (and sex)

20160207_123926-1Our desire for something better is beautiful. It makes us bold and willing to risk and with risk comes both failure and discovery, both have their own value. We can’t be to often reminded that humans learn in three ways; imitation, repetition, and discovery.  Each way of learning about ourselves and the world has its own value but only one has the … Read More

Sex degraded by deceit

becoming-degradedThe cheating liar may or may not believe in monogamy, but they have the merit of seeing possibilities beyond monogamy. Their desire exists beyond the boundaries of their beliefs or pretense. The cheaters lip service to monogamy becomes a degradation of sexual affection outside of monogamy.

Someone who lies for the sake of having lovers tries to manage … Read More

Reform socially NOT politically

politics-sexBy Todd Vickers

Politics and sex can exist apart but those interested in sex should heed the 2016 election results. Since we shouldn’t rely on reforms in a conservative political environment, any change becomes a social not a political responsibility. The reasoning offered here also applies to issues beyond sexuality. Before talking about conscious social change let’s take a broad overview.

Any minority existing … Read More

Non monogamy, when prejudice hides envy

2birdcage-gimp

If we deny opportunities to love because we can’t conceive living  beyond monogamy, we may, among other things, be suffering envy.

The idea that we cannot have something tempts us to say it’s ‘not worth having.’ This is often envy hiding behind a prejudice. Nobody but the person themself can confirm such envy and that takes … Read More

Sex as part of a good life

big-beautySex is not merely physical pleasure, there’s a wonder, like that of a child seeing a butterfly alight on their outstretched hand, or being barefoot in a creek, with mud in our toes, holding a crayfish, fearing it might pinch. A little clumsiness may bring tears, smiles or uproarious laughter. We lost ourselves in what we were doing.

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Fighting and texting

dont-fight-in-text1It’s so easy to thoughtlessly shoot off a text or email in a digital world. But we can’t see the others face, their anger, their tears or misunderstanding so we have no real sense of how we are affecting them. Our vindictiveness may tempt us to go further than we would if our empathy engaged someone in person. Moreover, it takes far more courage to … Read More