By Todd Vickers |
If we’ve felt great pain in past relationships, we probably have some strong beliefs based on those impressions. How can we go beyond our past conclusions in new circumstances? If we believe ‘this’ about women and ‘that’ about men, the real events around us we see through those beliefs like a colored lens.
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At the age of nine, the death of my beloved sister before she turned twenty taught me something about relationships and this lesson extends to sexual relationships. That what we grieve for in loss is not what the people did for us or helped us to accomplish. We grieve the irreplaceable affections we shared. This love has a value … Read More
Enjoy the video below of a country that has real sex education. America on the whole, can’t deal directly with the facts of the sex as an issue. Such a video would be impossible in many states. We force children to learn about sex through ignorant friends or unrealistic pornography. If we consider how low the abortion rate is in … Read More
By Todd Vickers
We will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this … Read More
Our desire for something better is beautiful. It makes us bold and willing to risk and with risk comes both failure and discovery, both have their own value. We can’t be to often reminded that humans learn in three ways; imitation, repetition, and discovery. Each way of learning about ourselves and the world has its own value but only one has the … Read More
By Todd Vickers
How can we say ‘yes’ to life and not be attached to the people, things, events and outcomes. Non attachment is a vague notion that wrongly suggests that we could be attached in the first place. Even our own body changes happen outside of our control and every particle in the body is different from what it was a moment … Read More
If we learned we should achieve something through sex, other than the instinctive joy, then we learned sex is a means to an end. Even sex to have children, is sex as a means, but harmless sex can also be an end, something that is worth doing because its good, even if nothing else comes of it. Let’s not miss that value because … Read More
The impulse to a more relaxed and open sexuality is not merely instinctive, but also moral. We see this (re)emerging morality* in conflict with established customs, like the conflict illustrated in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when Huck contemplated turning in his friend Jim, an escaped slave. All his life, Huck had learned that it was a sin to … Read More
The question is not what form the love takes but THAT we love consciously.
Love is not a routine and cannot be reduced to a preconceived idea without killing it.
Todd Vickers writing for Street Articles.
“The question we’re considering here – How to avoid the terrible and unnecessary emotional conflict arising from fictional ideas about others or ourselves? Anyone with a functioning mind can fall into the trap… ” Read More at Street Articles
Todd Vickers Published at Street Articles
“We miss higher values if we habitually (unconsciously) judge according to goals. A dear friend, who I will call Gregg, described meeting a young woman. On the couch, their honesty orbited sex. Her beauty induced his longing, but her unrealistic expectations stopped him. Their evening passed in intimate conversation only. Similar experiences made Gregg consider himself a sexual … Read More
When art conforms to our ideals of beauty, we call it beautiful. We go beyond our present categories when we ask, ‘can anything beautiful exist beyond my ideas about beauty?’ I answer, YES!
Art throughout history shows immense variance and delightfully proves at least some people dared to go beyond what they learned. Countless attempts at innovation undoubtedly failed. Regardless, once a new form … Read More
By Paula Wright
Unpoisoning the Well
In my research, I interrogate orthodox feminist concepts, such as patriarchy, objectification, gender power differentials, mating systems and psychosexual differences using humour and evolutionary explanatory models such as sexual selection, parental investment theory, mutual mate choice, female choice, signalling theory and perhaps most importantly intrasexual competition. History shows us that whenever our species has ever attempted to take control … Read More
Todd’s newest article is now live at Elephant Journal
The goal here is to see flaws in our beliefs so we need not be punished by facts.
If you take the prediction and control out of commitment, what is left?
Moreover, every disappointed commitment is built on a set of justifications that failed. Before you buy another bag of magic beans, why not meet with us in challenging those beliefs?
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How about a cougar awareness month, or better, let’s have a cougar awareness life! Yes, these women can do many other things too, but do not marginalize the loving. In a world with so much mature and harmless longing, there is no reason for stinginess. There are pure rivers that whisper, do not suffer thirst for I am nearby. Open your eyes and notice, … Read More
How many beliefs about love are worth their upkeep and defense? Many beliefs rest on circumstances that must change, after all, that is what circumstances do. When we seek particular ‘results’ we turn our lovers into a means to an imagined end and measure success or failure accordingly.
Why should we adapt our beliefs to the facts around us when we can try to … Read More
How to find your passion? If we remove what is lewd from the definition of lust, we get a fire of passion! Let’s stoke this fire, as hot as we like. Let us warm the whole house! But let us not be careless. Don’t start it with gas. We want more than ashes wet with tears. We want a place for many guests … Read More
A wonderful short documentary about the Bonobo Ape. This make love not war, sex for joy sake creature, raises a question about ourselves. Not that we should live in trees. Though I’m not against that mind you. I’m just noting one difference between the Bonobo and the violent Chimpanzee that dominates females.
I became an adult as part of a … Read More
Because polyamory is about affection not control.
Polyamory – Going Beyond Rules from NoShameInSex.Com