Changing our views of love

love like water

Love like water. Instead of saying we have different kinds of love, such as, one kind for friends, another for family, and another then lovers. I ask, what if we have only one love that takes different forms, like the way water conforms itself to the present situation? If love like water resonates with you, rather than trying to pour our love into containers shaped like our ideals that assume what love should be. Instead, I suggest, we hold standards of harm that tell us… Read More

Slut shaming – How men can stop it

Author Todd Vickers writes at Elephant Journal and looks critically at slut shaming. The good things around sex often become mixed with a variety of useless pains. My heart weeps at the double messages spoon fed to all of us, especially women. We cannot be reminded too often what culture imposes on our lovers, mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. These maddening attitudes toward sex persist in a mix of admiration and shame, desire blended with disdain. Read More… Read More

Don’t blame sex

Sex is an event like an eclipse. Beliefs about events confuse us because beliefs induce emotions and changes in our behavior. During an eclipse our terrified ancestors made loud noises to scare off a demon from eating the sun, that belief was superfluous with the eclipse. How many superfluous beliefs burden our sexuality that, like the eclipse, could exist without them. If we cease to obey unfounded beliefs, the benefits of that freedom comes to us today.   If you see a value here then… Read More

Sex like fast food

The Dunce

If you are wise and find it unacceptable when truth opposes a craving, you understand “integrity” serves no purpose unless it achieves our desire. Doubtless, some “square” will tell us this pragmatic approach supposes we don’t need to adapt to facts of life. Well, if we want facts, we can search the internet. Just as if there is something altogether “strange, or alien” in the hamburger, something neither meat, fish or foul”, what of it? Did not hunger subside upon eating? Was it tasty? What… Read More

How a Man Discusses Sex in the Shadow of Sexism

A man risks the accusation, sometimes correctly, of objectifying women when discussing either sexual joy or desire. Male shaming may occur even if the focus is in favor of women’s pleasure or well-being. I recall refusing to have sex with a woman in spite of my strong wish. I insisted on the use of condoms (we had just met at a concert) and when I stood my ground, this beautiful mid thirties female insisted that I hated women. I do not think sexism used unfairly as… Read More

Confessions of a Female Sex Tourist

The fact that it took me almost twenty five years to realize I was a female sex tourist is not a defense. Check the screaming tabloids and anti-prostitution literature to confirm that sex tourism is totally unacceptable. Zero tolerance. Flash back to Cuba 1978. I was a 25-year old teacher working on a fly-in Indian reserve in northern Canada and I managed to escape for a week in the sun over the Easter break. The woman who was supposed to go with me cancelled at… Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 2

Sacrificing for an Imagined Good When we believe the “right” relationship will secure good circumstances, we assume we know today what this bond should look like in the future. When we attempt to make human interaction similar to ideas we reject other alternatives. We turn our lovers into just a means. Let’s be clear, I use others as means but they have a value beyond that as ends. A lovers happiness, serving no purpose for me, is better than unhappiness obligated to me. People seduced… Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 1

Don’t condemn body desires We are double-dealing with body pleasures if we speak of them in dreadful tones. We take risks with sex but the same is true of driving. Let us disapprove of recklessness, not varieties of joy rendered safe through intelligence. When sexual delights happen every day without injury, we should not blame sex for errors of judgment. If we condemn physical desires, confusion results, especially when we commonly indulge these joys. This inconsistency can be set right, at least in part, by… Read More

What Do You Mean by Normal People

The concept of normal people. If we have little or no interest in sex we may withhold that information from most people. If we have desires other than the customary, we probably tend to keep those private. These strategic  omissions allow others to fill in the blanks with common ideas. Remember many popular ideas we now reject i.e. a flat earth were thought normal. Let’s keep this in mind when considering the fuzzy concept of “normal” A belief that the majority of people fit in the… Read More