When I use the term destructive in relationships I mean conduct that is

  • Deceitful
  • Reckless (as in unsafe sex)
  • Coercive
  • Violent

I do NOT mean by destructive conduct that simply makes us uncomfortable. It is possible for us to feel utterly uncomfortable and there be nothing destructive going on. When we define discomfort as destructive we forget that not getting what we want is also uncomfortable. Let’s not justify using power to get what we want. Our discomfort should not itself become a rationalization for coercion.

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