Exploring Joy

Celebrating different ways people discover pleasure.

 

Consciously orgasmic at 71 – ongoing discovery

I am seventy-one but I discovered my orgasm at twenty-five and enjoyed a great deal of orgasmic sex in the years after; until I experienced what I shall describe as a time of sexual hibernation. Thankfully, I went on to re-emerge from that hibernation, and I want to share my experience of a new sexual blossoming in what are my twilight years. I’ll begin my insight into sexual experiences with a question: Why reach for a more conscious sexuality? The actuality is that we either… Read More

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How to Find Your New Life | Todd writes for Vivriti.org

“How to find new life? You follow the impulses toward a better life, even when it’s hard. That is what I do, and it’s not easy but the alternative is a prison of routine and amusement seeking to avoid feeling dead. Remember the sprout struggles out of the seed. The chick struggles out of the shell, the bud struggles to open, the fledgling struggles on the edge of the nest, for the sky beckons. I’m sure it’s terrifying, those wings have never had the chance… Read More

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Todd Vickers writing at Vivriti.org – Freedom – Women’s day

What is Freedom A donkey chooses to pursue a carrot dangled in front of its face and thereby pulls the farmers cart. That isn’t what we mean by freedom. The donkeys choice is constrained by bondage. The denial of alternatives let’s us know it is something far less than freedom…. Read more at Vivriti.org   Read More

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Bias in love

If we’ve felt great pain in past relationships, we probably have some strong beliefs or biased love based on those impressions. How can we go beyond our past conclusions in new circumstances? If we believe ‘this’ about women and ‘that’ about men, the real events around us we see through those beliefs like a colored lens. If we don’t understand ‘my side bias,’ we won’t know when we create our own evidence e.g. questionable matters seem proof of past conclusions. Such beliefs often continue when contrary facts prove the beliefs flawed… Read More

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Don’t miss love

At the age of nine, the death of my beloved sister before she turned twenty taught me something about relationships and this lesson extends to sexual relationships, don’t miss love. What we grieve for in loss is not what the people did for us or helped us to accomplish. We grieve the irreplaceable affections we shared. Don’t miss love. This love has a value unto itself as a part of a good life and, speaking for myself, to imagine a life without such love immediately degrades… Read More

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Sexual Kindness

By Todd Vickers We will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this kindness or corrupt it. In a situation with more than one lover, the gravity of this subject increases. Our desire for truthfulness is a real merit… Read More

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Aspiration for a better life (and better sex)

Our desire, our aspiration for a better life is beautiful. It makes us bold and willing to risk and with risk comes both failure and discovery, both have their own value. We can’t be to often reminded that humans learn in three ways; imitation, repetition, and discovery.  Each way of learning about ourselves and the world has its own value but only one has the possibility of leading to something better beyond the limits of the past. Monkey see, monkey do makes it possible to avoid… Read More

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Non attachment and love

By Todd Vickers How can we say ‘yes’ to life and not be attached to the people, things, events and outcomes. Non attachment is a vague notion that wrongly suggests that we could be attached in the first place. Even our own body changes happen outside of our control and every particle in the body is different from what it was a moment before. ‘Our’ livers, as important as they are, do not consult us about their job, much less the needed symbiotic organisms that live in our gut…. Read More

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Sex as an end unto itself

If we learned we should achieve something through sex, other than the instinctive joy, then we learned sex is a means to an end. Even sex to have children, is sex as a means, but harmless sex can also be an end, something that is worth doing because its good, even if nothing else comes of it. Let’s not miss that value because we’ve been taught that if sex doesn’t lead to anything else, it is worthless. The brief video infers from anthropology that our hunter gatherer ancestors must… Read More

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Non-monogamy, a growing morality

The impulse to a more relaxed and open sexuality is not merely instinctive, but also moral. We see this (re)emerging morality* in conflict with established customs, like the conflict illustrated in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when Huck contemplated turning in his friend Jim, an escaped slave. All his life, Huck had learned that it was a sin to help a slave escape. He also knew that a reward would be involved in turning Jim in. He even wrote a letter to inform the slave… Read More

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How you love is up to you

The question is not what form the love takes but THAT we love consciously. Love is not a routine and cannot be reduced to a preconceived idea without killing it. Read More

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Stop Crashing Into Lovers

Todd Vickers writing for Street Articles. “The question we’re considering here – How to avoid the terrible and unnecessary emotional conflict arising from fictional ideas about others or ourselves? Anyone with a functioning mind can fall into the trap… ” Read More at Street Articles Read More

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What Death Teaches Us About Lovers, Friends And Family

Todd Vickers Published at Street Articles Excerpt below “We miss higher values if we habitually (unconsciously) judge according to goals. A dear friend, who I will call Gregg, described meeting a young woman. On the couch, their honesty orbited sex. Her beauty induced his longing, but her unrealistic expectations stopped him. Their evening passed in intimate conversation only. Similar experiences made Gregg consider himself a sexual failure. I know his lovers personally so this conclusion made no sense. He’s a scrupulously honest, non-monogamous man. He… Read More

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Art as Metaphor for Love

When art conforms to our ideals of beauty, we call it beautiful. We go beyond our present categories when we ask, ‘can anything beautiful exist beyond my ideas about beauty?’ I answer, YES! Art throughout history shows immense variance and delightfully proves at least some people dared to go beyond what they learned. Countless attempts at innovation undoubtedly failed. Regardless, once a new form took hold, borne through the innovators bold enough to risk, the form and beauty passed on to future generations through inheritance…. Read More

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Read-Darwinian Gender Studies

By Paula Wright Unpoisoning the Well In my research, I interrogate orthodox feminist concepts, such as patriarchy, objectification, gender power differentials, mating systems and psychosexual differences using humour and evolutionary explanatory models such as sexual selection, parental investment theory, mutual mate choice, female choice, signalling theory and perhaps most importantly intrasexual competition. History shows us that whenever our species has ever attempted to take control of biology and bend it out of shape to ideological goals, human tragedy always follows. It’s a lesson we still… Read More

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Read About Sexual Pitfalls at Elephant Journal

Todd’s newest article is now live at Elephant Journal How to Avoid 5 Sexual Pitfalls. The goal here is to see flaws in our beliefs so we need not be punished by facts.     Read More

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Challenging Relationship Myths

If you take the prediction and control out of commitment, what is left? Moreover, every disappointed commitment is built on a set of justifications that failed. Before you buy another bag of magic beans, why not meet with us in challenging those beliefs? Check out this website. Subscribe. Make a comment. Criticize an idea. Meet Todd Vickers and see Poly Follies, his artworks displayed at Saguaro Man 2015   Painted using recycled plywood and mostly recycled paint. Read More

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Celebrate Mature Women, Who Want

How about a cougar awareness month, or better, let’s have a cougar awareness life! Yes, these women can do many other things too, but do not marginalize the loving. In a world with so much mature and harmless longing, there is no reason for stinginess. There are pure rivers that whisper, do not suffer thirst for I am nearby. Open your eyes and notice, then share.   Read More

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Questionable Beliefs About Love

How many beliefs about love are worth their upkeep and defense? Many beliefs rest on circumstances that must change, after all, that is what circumstances do. When we seek particular ‘results’ we turn our lovers into a means to an imagined end and measure success or failure accordingly. Why should we adapt our beliefs to the facts around us when we can try to manipulate people instead? When we manipulate, we tempt lovers to lie to us, if only a lie of omission, so they… Read More

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Lust Meaning, I’m on Fire

How to find your passion? If we remove what is lewd from the definition of lust, we get a fire of passion! Let’s stoke this fire, as hot as we like. Let us warm the whole house! But let us not be careless. Don’t start it with gas. We want more than ashes wet with tears. We want a place for many guests to feel welcome and wish to return. Whether or not someone accepts an invitation for sex, let receiving one always be good… Read More

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