The Eros of Psyche

The eros of the psyche does NOT limit its power to assumed roles of dominant and submissive. It moves within an individual and also moves from one living being to another. It’s so vulnerable, it will be tempting to stop because unlike the physical body, the psyche has no physical limits. That’s how out of control it feels.
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Unreasonable Respect For Old Relationship Beliefs

Why would I say there is unreasonable respect for old relationship beliefs?

At a party, a woman lamented that she had to divide all her assets twice in two divorces. She said the next time she gets married, the man will have more stuff than her. When three people asked why she would get married again, she replied in a circular way, “I’m just the marrying type.” And the conversation ended since there seemed no point. If someone answered the question, why do you … Read More

Foolish men blocking abortion

Abortion could have saved herAbortion could have saved her

Why are foolish men blocking abortion? Foolish men that think they can control women, they only tyrannize. Even those unfortunate ones who, do to circumstances or a manufactured torpidity, succumb to your … Read More

What Are Confused Sexual Ideals?

Confused Sexual IdealsConfused Sexual IdealsA great deal of confused sexual ideals and misunderstanding exists around relationships and what we want. This topic is meaningful to both joy … Read More

Consciously orgasmic at 71 – ongoing discovery

Conscious sexualityConscious sexualityI am seventy-one but I discovered my orgasm at twenty-five and enjoyed a great deal of orgasmic sex in … Read More

Help Build Burning Man Consent Culture

Donate to BedDonate to BedNow you can help BED (Bureau of Erotic Discourse) by contributing and sharing on social networks. Wear our buttons with pride! Help BED … Read More

Without holding back

Without holding back

Share the love while you can, without holding back. One day we will not be able to share it and then it’s too late. Use intelligence to make loving harmless.

How to compare loving non-monogamy versus codependent monogamy

loving non-monogamyloving non-monogamyThe desire to know and share what’s true, to share what’s best in life, to love wholly without restraint, to live intensely! These values did not arise … Read More

Bullshit hypnotic manipulation imposes sexual beliefs

hypnotic manipulationhypnotic manipulationMonogamy is a possessive ideology. It presumes to predict the future and often fails. Monogamy becomes a prison for affections and often kills the love that … Read More

Boldly Vulnerable Sexual Affection at Burning Man

Sexual AffectionSexual AffectionWe live in a highly sexual culture that also idolizes utility (i.e., a means to an end). We tend to value … Read More

Sexual Relationship Evolution

Some of us look upon sexual relationship evolution with a fear or envy. Most of our grandparents would look upon our sexual relations today with disapproval, yet they passed … Read More

Button Suggestions – Voting for 2017 BRC Burn

Bureau of Erotic DiscourseBureau of Erotic DiscourseThe Bureau of Erotic Discourse seeks new ideas for the coveted pins to give away at Burning Man … Read More

Dispute monogamy for 5 more reasons

dispute monogamy dispute monogamy I dispute monogamy and I hope that my monogamous brothers and sisters understand that it is not just the failures of monogamy that provoke … Read More

What we think about love, sex and art changes things

about loveabout loveIn the west the propaganda of religion is probably not as pervasive as are the songs, representations, and symbolism about love. We know how different religious … Read More

Changing our views of love

love like waterlove like water

Love like water.

Instead of saying we have different kinds of love, such as, one kind for friends, another for family, and another … Read More

Sex Education | Video with John Oliver

Sex EducationSex EducationOnce again the inimitable John Oliver exposes the weakness of American abstinance sex eduducation and with humor at the end, offers his own sex … Read More

One sexually daring woman degraded by custom

sexually daringsexually daringI want to respect the trial and error of a sexually daring woman who is now dead, and expose the all too common error for the sake … Read More

Removing Condoms Without Consent | Via Hufington Post

CondomCondom“Stealthing,” the fact that there is an online comunity encouraging such behavior suggests to me complisity in a crime. Stealthing is non-consensual sex and is potentially fatal.

A … Read More

How to question love ideals | By Todd Vickers at Vivriti.org

Love idealsLove idealsIntimate relationships and love ideals are a touchy topic anywhere, but the consequences of marriage, relationship breakups, and vengeance for rejection should make … Read More

4 reasons a sense of wonder is important in a beautiful life

WonderWonderWonder in a beautiful life | Todd Vickers via Vivriti.org

1. There can be no surprise without discovery.

Discovery is like a free fall; a new understanding … Read More

How to truthfully have intimate relationship | Todd Vickers via Vivriti.org

intimate relationshipintimate relationshipExcerpt: “…To be unaware of how we conceive intimate relationship leads to treating our questionable beliefs as fact. Let’s look at some problems and then … Read More

Sex Impact – Indian Youth Suicide | Published at Vivriti.org

Youth SuicideYouth SuicideYouth Suicide; more educated young people kill themselves in India, why? Todd Vickers looks at one part of the problem, the stifling of sexuality to conform with … Read More

Sex Power – Media Offering Vicarious Pleasure

sex powersex powerWhat is sex power? It’s no trivial fact that almost every human being you meet  longs for sexual joy, and those who understand that fact … Read More

Understanding Relationships Nurturing Love | Todd Vickers writes for Vivriti.org

Understanding RelationshipsUnderstanding RelationshipsUnderstanding relationships means understanding pain. This is vital if we wish to bring relief to useless suffering. To reduce useless pain is Read More

Slut Shaming Cultural Differences | Todd Vickers writing at Vivriti.org

slut shamingslut shamingAnyone involved in slut shaming does not want girls to have freedom, to wear whatever they want, to like whoever they like (including … Read More

Todd Vickers writing at Vivriti.org – Freedom – Women’s day

FreedomFreedom

What is Freedom

A donkey chooses to pursue a carrot dangled in front of its face and thereby pulls the … Read More

Love wants to live

Love wants to liveLove wants to liveWe want love. Many of us will say that it’s one of the most important things in our lives. Love wants to … Read More

Renouncing the limits of love | Todd Vickers on Vivriti.org

renouncing loves limitsrenouncing loves limitsWhy aren’t we renouncing loves limits? “Who do you know who does not place a boundary around his love? We are … Read More

Leaving dead relationships

Leaving dead relationshipsLeaving dead relationshipsLet’s start leaving dead relationships. Some people hold love hostage. Hiding behind a mask, they threaten to kill love if another doesn’t submit … Read More

Slut shaming on social networks

Since the January 21st Woman’s March, I’ve seen a lot of slut shaming on social networks.

Memes with scantily clad celebrities who might hold views on non sexual issues like the scientific consensus on climate change or the US accepting … Read More

Lovers in friendship vs. being a player

I use the phrase ‘friendly sex’ because the term ‘casual sex‘ is cliché, and leads to confusion. I suggest a lovers friendship in consenting pleasure is better when we … Read More

My ever changing sexuality

changing sexualitychanging sexualityMy ever changing sexuality really began as a teen, I grew my sexual legs in a free love community of spiritual seekers, my views of this ever changing sexuality are quite non-traditional. I know the world is … Read More

An allegory applied to relationships

Relationship allegoryRelationship allegoryImagination is risky when we fill in the unknown. Below is an ancient story I use as a relationship allegory that exposes the mistake of thinking we know … Read More

Christians cut off a young girls clit in USA

The reason to scrutinize religion is because religion can be terribly harmful. The example and it is not unique. The irrational fear that some religion … Read More

Bias in love

biased lovebiased loveIf we’ve felt great pain in past relationships, we probably have some strong beliefs or biased love based on those impressions. How can we go … Read More

What we’ll do when when we feel turned on

when we feel turned onwhen we feel turned onWhen discussing heightened sexual states and what we’ll do when we feel turned on, let’s look at sex as something like … Read More

Queer America: Now That Trump Will Be President

man-tearsman-tearsOriginally published at The Huffington Post 11/09/2016

“…we must hold each other as we piece ourselves back together, as we remember who we are ― who we have always been … Read More

Don’t miss love

Don't miss loveDon't miss love

At the age of nine, the death of my beloved sister before she turned twenty taught me something about relationships and this lesson … Read More

Abusing a lovers empathy

Abusing lovers empathyAbusing lovers empathyWe cannot be convicted of abusing a lovers empathy with our self-created misery but we can still be guilty. Our ability to feel what we think is one of our conceptual powers. The mind … Read More

Sex education in Norway

Norway Sex Education Norway Sex Education Enjoy the video below of Norway sex education. America on the whole, can’t deal directly with the facts of the sex as an issue. … Read More

Sexual Kindness

curvy_shycurvy_shyBy Todd Vickers

We will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We … Read More

Aspiration for a better life (and better sex)

better life better sexbetter life better sexOur desire, our aspiration for a better life is beautiful. It makes us bold and willing to risk and with risk comes both failure and discovery, both have their own … Read More

Sex degraded by deceit

becoming-degradedbecoming-degradedThe cheating liar may or may not believe in monogamy, but they have the merit of seeing possibilities beyond monogamy. Their desire exists beyond … Read More

Reform socially NOT politically

politics-sexpolitics-sexBy Todd Vickers

Politics and sex can exist apart but those interested in sex should heed the 2016 election results. Since we shouldn’t rely … Read More

Non monogamy, when prejudice hides envy

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If we deny opportunities to love because we can’t conceive living  beyond monogamy, we may, among other things, be suffering envy.

The idea that we cannot have … Read More

Sex as part of a good life

big-beautybig-beautySex is not merely physical pleasure, there’s a wonder, like that of a child seeing a butterfly alight on their outstretched hand, or being barefoot in a creek, with mud in … Read More

Fighting and texting

dont-fight-in-text1dont-fight-in-text1It’s so easy to thoughtlessly shoot off a text or email in a digital world. But we can’t see the others face, their anger, their tears or misunderstanding so we have no … Read More

Abuse of honesty in relationships

feelings-impactfeelings-impactThe honesty facade is real honesty; it’s a rigorously honest description, but it also hides something that is factually true. I devoted a whole … Read More

Non attachment and love

non-attachmentnon-attachmentBy Todd Vickers

How can we say ‘yes’ to life and not be attached to the people, things, events and outcomes. Non attachment is a … Read More

Sexual deprivation and deceitful seduction

instinctive-joy2instinctive-joy2How many of our sexual beliefs result from conforming to or rebelling against arbitrary, indirect and unrelated suggestions? Things like a belief or a product that our sexuality could easily exist without.

Let’s consider letting go … Read More

What Desires Are Politically Important?

trump-appealtrump-appealWhat Desires Are Politically Important?

Bertrand Russell – Nobel Lecture

Your Royal Highness, Ladies and Gentlemen,

I have chosen this subject for my lecture tonight … Read More

Sex as an end unto itself

facebook-cover-nsisfacebook-cover-nsisIf we learned we should achieve something through sex, other than the instinctive joy, then we learned sex is a means to an end. Even sex to have children, is sex as … Read More

Other benefits of non-monogamy

oral-hygeneoral-hygeneThe tertiary benefits of open sexuality might easily be forgotten. The intensity of emotion that may, at times, needlessly drain into drama or fictional fears can also give vitality … Read More

A monogamous irony

one-on-oneone-on-oneWould you like to see some different views that challenge beliefs about sex? We’ve got articles, videos, slide shows and memes you can peruse, contemplate, share and comment about. Consider a four part series … Read More

Beyond Satisfaction of Desire

surrender-2surrender-2What would you choose, the experience of love being equal in both instances.

Love with truth

Love without truth

If the value is only the feeling … Read More

Stop admiring hypocrites

JanusJanus

We risk losing some opportunities telling the truth. Regardless, the growth of a seed in a consciously sewn garden is not retarded by noxious weeds and briers overtaking the blossoms and … Read More

Go beyond cheating

Cheating ImageThis brief video looks at one of the mistaken value judgments hidden in the deceit of cheating.

A lie debases our longing for more joy and pollutes our morality. When we habitually use affections, including sexuality as a means, we forget those affections are something that makes life worth living, simply by themselves. This includes sexual affection for more than one other.

Let’s welcome sexuality in honesty.

Affections for their own sake is one of the things that make life worthwhile. Let’s not pretend sexual affection is unimportant when it is.

Non-monogamy, a growing morality

2A gift2A gift

The impulse to a more relaxed and open sexuality is not merely instinctive, but also moral. We see this (re)emerging morality* in conflict with … Read More

Facing facts, sex and climate change

Frog Viv adaptFrog Viv adaptWhat do sex and climate change have in common? Both involve facts we sometimes feel tempted to ignore or alter them to suit our existing ideas.

Here is an excerpt … Read More

Social hypocrisy about sex

Cult SocietyCult Society“Our powers of conception come with a risk. Again, we use thought like paint on the canvas of our minds, using our fears and wants as the brushes. We … Read More

Freedom to love

Free 2 LoveFree 2 LoveThe arguments in favor of sexual freedom rest on similar grounds as freedom of speech. Our love is part of our freedom, whether … Read More

Love instead of… Paintings at 2016 Saguaro Man

Painted Polyamory Problems

Probably the best way to illustrate what I’m doing with this art is to criticize it. One of the strongest objections to these paintings, they are all negative. They show problems, not solutions. Even the title of the show is negative – Love instead of . . .

A smaller servingA smaller servingRead More

Slut shaming – How men can stop it

EJ Slut ShameEJ Slut ShameAuthor Todd Vickers writes at Elephant Journal and looks critically at slut shaming.

The good things around sex often … Read More

Controlling crowds with sex

sex controlling crowdssex controlling crowdsThose with influence and interest will try to deny access to rainwater and then either sell it back to us or … Read More

Todd talks beliefs about sex at Vivriti.org

AdaptAdaptRead the points and the excerpt from The Relevance of Kabir.

Let us differentiate the inestimable benefits of accumulated knowledge from the tendency to hold fast … Read More

New Sexual Knowledge

ShareShareThink of the transformation of sexual relations since the Victorian era. Each change had to be tried by a minority of people, perhaps there were many … Read More

Sex contrary to our beliefs

truer beliefstruer beliefsIf we were born elsewhere or in another time, we would have different beliefs including beliefs about sex. We have no obligation to cling to beliefs when … Read More

Monogamy is not virtue

Not VirtueNot VirtueBefore considering sexuality let’s remember, if we have a prejudice, we might feel uncomfortable seeing others going beyond the limits of such beliefs. Being uncomfortable is not the same thing as being … Read More

Three reasons sex is confusing

sex is confusingsex is confusingSex doesn’t oppose truth. Delusion opposes truth. Delusion is different than having or not having sex.

  • People often withhold the truth and blankly lie about their sexuality. These faults blend with truths, some … Read More
  • Sexual understanding or rebellion

    ThePrudeThePrudeDistinguish between sexual conformity, rebellion and hypocrisy. The conformist and rebel obey or disobey by degree, but the rule is the governing ideal. The hypocrite knows he or she is deceitful. … Read More

    Don’t blame sex

    DisapointmentDisapointmentSex is an event like an eclipse. Beliefs about events confuse us because beliefs induce emotions and changes in our behavior. During an eclipse our terrified ancestors made loud noises … Read More

    Jealousy – a short video

    JealousPhoneJealousPhoneAshwini asks author Todd Vickers to discuss jealousy. View the video and for more, check out our other pieces on jealousy.

     

     

     

     

     

     

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    How you love is up to you

    The question is not what form the love takes but THAT we love consciously.

    Love is not a routine and cannot be reduced to a preconceived idea without killing it.

    ProhibitionProhibitionRead More

    Questioning Monogamy

    Every time someone cheats, every monogamous person who doesn’t consider purchased or oral sex and so on to be cheating, we have reason to question monogamy.

    Monogamy IdealMonogamy IdealRead More

    An unsatisfied selfish demand

    An expectation is not the measure of abuse.

    How do we know if we are a victim?

    Not a VictimNot a Victim

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    Sex relationship myths

    Sex MythsSex Myths

    Our difficulty with sexual relationships may not be a defect in ourselves or others but rather a problem born of our unquestioned beliefs. Watch the short video and then ask … Read More

    Sexual obsession is relating to the mind

    3J6B15703J6B1570Here is a video I recently made in India. Ashwini asked about sexual obsession. In India obsession sometimes leads to acid attacks. If you like the video, check out our other clips and subscribe.

     

     

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    Stop Crashing Into Lovers

    noshameinsex.comnoshameinsex.comTodd Vickers writing for Street Articles.

    “The question we’re considering here – How to avoid the terrible and unnecessary emotional conflict arising from fictional ideas about others or ourselves? Anyone with a functioning mind can fall … Read More

    What Death Teaches Us About Lovers, Friends And Family

    Todd VickersTodd VickersTodd Vickers Published at Street Articles

    Excerpt below

    “We miss higher values if we habitually (unconsciously) judge according to goals. A dear friend, who I will call Gregg, described meeting a young woman. On the couch, their honesty orbited sex. Her beauty induced … Read More

    Cheating and Honest Non-Monogamy

    pink vest2pink vest2I recently shared food with two women who both cheated on past lovers and felt pain about their conduct. Both now live candidly in non-monogamous circumstances and feel better for the change. I know non-monogamous men who feel the same way. These people … Read More

    She Lives in Secret

    Secret Woman 2Secret Woman 2We can’t pick her out of a crowd, she who lives in secret. As the eyes of her teachers stabbed with disapproval, she learned to show what they would not condemn. And sometimes her sisters were as mean. She … Read More

    Is Monogamy Over? A Reply

    TIMEcover girlsTIMEcover girlsThe headline ‘Is monogamy over?’ emblazoned TIME Magazine’s September 21, 2015 issue.

    Feeling skeptical, I bought it. Its brevity trifled with the subject.

    Biologist David Barash has suggested that monogamy conflicts with our biology. However, he also states … Read More

    Sex-Pats in Cambodia

    JodiJodiAccording to my friend, George, the American proverb that “even blind pigs can find an occasional acorn” is understated in Cambodia. “The ‘Kingdom Of Wonder’ – as Cambodia is advertised by the tourism board – is a haven for sex-pats. Easy immigration policies let foreigners stay for extended periods. A phrase repeated around the capital is ‘The older and uglier you … Read More

    Art as Metaphor for Love

    Giulio_Romano_-_The_Lovers_-_WGA09611Giulio_Romano_-_The_Lovers_-_WGA09611When art conforms to our ideals of beauty, we call it beautiful. We go beyond our present categories when we ask, ‘can anything beautiful exist beyond my ideas about beauty?’ I answer, YES!

    Art throughout history shows immense variance … Read More

    Self and Orgasm

    WEB Kabir Front CoverWEB Kabir Front CoverAn understanding through ecstasy.

    “If we can’t let go of our self, orgasm becomes difficult. In the ecstasy of love, the mental specter of our self … Read More

    Read-Darwinian Gender Studies

    Otto_Scholderer_Lesendes_MädchenOtto_Scholderer_Lesendes_MädchenBy Paula Wright

    Unpoisoning the Well

    In my research, I interrogate orthodox feminist concepts, such as patriarchy, objectification, gender power differentials, mating systems and psychosexual differences using humour and evolutionary explanatory models such as sexual selection, parental investment theory, mutual mate … Read More

    5 Reasons to Question Monogamy at Elephant Journal

    Let’s Sketch of a ClasicSketch of a Clasiclook at both monogamy and commitment with fresh eyes and consider five reasons to question both cultural ideas.

    Let’s not oversimplify the deceit exemplified by Ashley Madison. Widespread cheating suggests sexual impulses exist beyond monogamy.

    Many arguments against freer sexuality provoke fear and even persecution exemplified in slut shaming, honor killings and LGBT harassment.

    The discovery … Read More

    Friendly Sexual Connections

    Newest CartNewest CartThe benefits of plural and open sexual friendships cannot be measured nor should the benefits be underestimated. Consider how often commercials and political propaganda invoke our sexual instincts. A chicken broods on a wooden egg and our instincts … Read More

    Read About Sexual Pitfalls at Elephant Journal

    Thinking WomanThinking WomanTodd’s newest article is now live at Elephant Journal

    How to Avoid 5 Sexual Pitfalls.

    The goal here is to see flaws in our beliefs so we need not be punished by … Read More

    Gay in Cuba – Hardship and Love

    Frank & TonyFrank & TonyThe confrontation between Tony and the man who infected him, to protect others, touches the heart as does the whole article. Recommended Reading…

    Two hours into our first meeting, I knew that Francisco … Read More

    Non Monogamous Instinct

    sketch1433312858079-1sketch1433312858079-1

    A little slide show examining common views about non-monogamy. The sexual revolution has yet to begin.

     

     

     

     

    Non Monogamous Instinct from NoShameInSex.Com Read More

    Poly Follies | The Exhibit and Talk

    20150404_182101-120150404_182101-1The talk “Polyamory Without Pathos” at Saguaro Man went well. Such a deep subject is impossible to delve into properly in just an hour. Below, I will broach several points mentioned during … Read More

    Saguaro Man | The Poly Follies Art

    Chita n GreggChita n GreggWe’re off to Saguaro Man tomorrow. Seven pieces of Todd’s art will be on exhibit called Poly Follies at Center Camp. He will be doing a talk Saturday at Noon called Polyamory … Read More

    Challenging Relationship Myths

    Come HereCome HereIf you take the prediction and control out of commitment, what is left?

    Moreover, every disappointed commitment is built on a set of justifications that failed. Before you buy another bag of magic beans, why not … Read More

    What is Sexual Excess?

    The Relevance of KabirThe Relevance of KabirExcerpt from The Relevance of Kabir

    “The word excessive means something when talking of salt, sex or any experience. Even water will kill you if you drink too much. When we believe some experience … Read More

    Mistaking Means for Ends in Love

    Having-or-notHaving-or-notMistaking means for ends in love is one of the worst and common mistakes. What we learned about love often makes our love pretentious, an insane dream-world that murders affection. A commitment necessarily views people as means to some goal. Anything that … Read More

    Our Sexual Value Judgments

    Yang_Guifei_Mounting_a_HorseYang_Guifei_Mounting_a_HorseThe way we learn to judge our sex partners is questionable. We see our bias whenever ideal partnerships break up in spite of what seems the best of circumstances. Often we mistake means for ends. In American culture, we typically … Read More

    Forbidden Subjects

    WEB Kabir Front CoverWEB Kabir Front CoverExcerpted from the introduction to The Relevance of Kabir. By Todd Vickers

    Let us let go of taboos when encountering poems. A lyricist … Read More

    Sexual Idealism

    sexual idealismsexual idealismConcening sexual idealism, I discuss with my beloved Sharon various topics, including sex, the morning news and our plans for the day. One day our conversation turned to the free love of the 1960s. A postmortem on … Read More

    Couple Calls – By The Honest Courtesan

    Eye2Eye2A couple call is different from a two-girl call in that the latter involves two professional women rather than one … Read More

    A Retired Prostitute Helped Me

    Essay on Woody the prostituteEssay on Woody the prostituteIn my latest book, The Relevance of Kabir, I use a strong metaphor concerning prostitution to make a point about honesty and … Read More

    The Relevance of Kabir – One Thousand Review Copies Free

    The Relevance of KabirThe Relevance of KabirTodd Vickers published The Relevance of Kabir at Smashwords. This eBook will soon be available at your favorite stores like Amazon, Barns & Noble and more. If you would like a free review copy, go … Read More

    Celebrate Mature Women, Who Want

    Milf AwarenessMilf AwarenessHow about a cougar awareness month, or better, let’s have a cougar awareness life! Yes, these women can do many other things too, but do not marginalize the loving. In a world with so much mature and harmless … Read More

    Questionable Beliefs About Love

    ThreesomeThreesomeHow many beliefs about love are worth their upkeep and defense? Many beliefs rest on circumstances that must change, after all, that is what circumstances do. When we seek particular ‘results’ we turn our lovers into a means … Read More

    r0b1 Different Sex Podcast Todd Vickers Talks Issues of Polyamory

    Rob MooreRob Moore

    Rob Moore interviews Todd Vickers on r0b1.com

     

     

     

     

    Check out r0b1.com for more interviews and caring discussion about nontraditional relationships.

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    A Suggestive Holiday Greeting

    Dude SantaDude SantaMay you all have joyous titillation and sweetest affection this holiday season. Be your delights mild our wild, may your toes curl and your mind fall silent in ecstasy.

    Remember you don’t need to rely … Read More

    Lust Meaning, I’m on Fire

    FireWoman5FireWoman5How to find your passion? If we remove what is lewd from the definition of lust, we get a fire of passion! Let’s stoke this fire, as hot as we like. Let us warm the whole … Read More

    We Believed Lies About Commitments

    Commitment SecurityCommitment Security

    What is commitment? If we say it is dedication to a cause or activity remember another  person is not an idea or something we do. When humans became domesticatedRead More

    The Risk of Sexual Suppression

    We can break out of old sexual beliefs and restrictions without being destructive.

    Any education about sex or sex book should include observations about restraint. Good sex is better when we are more informed.

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    The Folly of Slut Shaming

    1 The Folly1 The FollyIf we define slut in a denigrating way. Slut meaning to imagine a woman is outside of the custom sexually. We suffer from lousy reasoning. See what the professor has to say about it.

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    Polyamorous Monsters of Imagination

    Slide1Slide1

    Poly Monsters of Imagination from NoShameInSex.Com Read More

    New Arguments Against Abstinence Only Sex Education

    Abstinence Only Sex EducationAbstinence Only Sex EducationMy criticism of abstinence only sex education rests on these grounds. Censored education is reckless because it suggests that young people … Read More

    Polyamory Going Beyond Rules

    Because polyamory is about affection not control.

     
     
     
     

    Polyamory – Going Beyond Rules from NoShameInSex.Com Read More

    How to Defend Our Sensuality, The Hippie in Us All

    So Much BeautySo Much BeautyI saw her in the temple, the same space that would be intentionally reduced to ashes in just a few hours. She was as nude as the day she first … Read More

    Polyamorous Expectations Dare Letting Go

    The angst often associated with relationships may not be because a a problem exists, but because the events are different than our expectations.

    Letting go of unrealistic ideals becomes more important in non-monogamous relationships.

    We tend to cling to beliefs when … Read More

    How to Let Go of Sexual Customs – Be Bold

    Kings.ClergyKings.ClergyThe honor we pay to fictional ideas about love and sex is simply customary, like the undeserved deference our ancestors felt they must pay to king and clergy. These ideas, even when false, have real power. Some of our forebears undoubtedly believed in the truth, importance and obligation … Read More

    BDSM Dungeon-ous Crab

    Dungeonous CrabDungeonous CrabWe are creatures capable of amazing altered states that we enjoy. We find our way to discovering what those things are. We can even help others to have that excitement. But lets remember, what ever your consensual thing may be, a little humor can do us a lot of good.

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    Interview with a Non-Monogamous Woman

    MQuestionMQuestionQ: You felt it necessary to be anonymous for this interview. I think it says something about our so-called freedom of speech. Why do you feel the need to be anonymous?

    M: … Read More

    The Polyamorous Caravan – Part Two

    Huguet_A-Caravan-Crossing-The-DesertHuguet_A-Caravan-Crossing-The-DesertMany non-traditional folks carry conclusions that seem to rest on bias left over from tradition. For example, in a recent piece, Louisa Leontiades discussed applying the lessons of open relationships to monogamous relationships. I agree with her about many things, … Read More

    The Polyamorous Caravan – Part One

    Benwell_Caravan-with-the-Pyramids-and-Sphinx-beyondBenwell_Caravan-with-the-Pyramids-and-Sphinx-beyondIn sexual relationships, consider the anguish of those that try everything they learned to do in order to succeed and still suffer. People often attempt what their contemporaries and therapists suggest, to create lasting relationships. Regardless of the … Read More

    Can Casual Sex Be Loving? Yes, It Can.

    Leveque BacchanaliaLeveque BacchanaliaI am not saying that all casual sex is loving any more than I would say the same about all marriages. Our society’s blind spots around sex are worse because we tend to trust customs and support … Read More

    Having Sex with Friends

    LadyLadyWhy are we afraid to have sex with friends? We fear to fall from the heights of affection, and we have probably witnessed this happen. The reason for this fall is we start thinking in terms of expectations, we … Read More

    Sex like fast food

    The DunceThe DunceIf you are wise and find it unacceptable when truth opposes a craving, you understand “integrity” serves no purpose unless it achieves our desire. Doubtless, some “square” will tell us this pragmatic approach supposes we don’t need to adapt to facts of life. … Read More

    Female Ejaculation Learning to Squirt Orgasm

    Female EjaculationFemale EjaculationAs soon as we’d ordered lunch at the local Japanese restaurant I launched into my story of the week. “I’ve just discovered female ejaculation.”

    Sonja rolled her eyes slightly, “Oh yes. Men really get off on that because it makes them feel … Read More

    Stop excusing jealousy as natural

    Many HeartsMany HeartsIs jealousy natural? Cancer is natural, and so is our appendix. Is jealousy instinctive? Even if we assume it so, our ability to adapt beyond genetic limits is also natural. But anthropology gives us many examples of human sexuality beyond monogamy. Perhaps many … Read More

    Sexual Generosity

    Sexual Generosity goes beyond kindness and tolerance. Generosity seeks to improve the condition of others regardless of any return. Sexual generosity must include a far-reaching notion… that the joy of another is not a threat.

    Three Lovers | Théodore Géricault | Public DomainThree Lovers | Théodore Géricault | Public DomainRead More

    We Lose When We Withhold Love

    NarcissusNarcissusWe distort our capacity to love others with reference to an imaginary future. We see ourselves in this story and believe we know what love will do for us. We use emotion to force others to do what they “should”; what we … Read More

    Prostitution can be bad, neutral, or good!

    NudeNudeOur society suffers an epidemic of people seeking their own ends at the expense of others. Do not exclude the everyday folks outside of public view. Workaday people can make decisions or carry out boardroom choices that harm. … Read More

    When We Explore Sexual Kindness

    Pandore Wikimedia CommonsWe will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this kindness or corrupt it. In a situation with more than one lover, the gravity of this subject increases.

    Our desire to be truthful is a real merit but we must avoid the honesty facade. Sometimes coercive motivations hide behind being honest. What is power? It is the ability to make people do what they would not do otherwise. We do not need power to make people do what they want.

    Should we keep from imposing our “honesty” when our lover’s are in the midst of joy with others? Let us be extremely honest with ourselves first. Are we frightened by our lovers eyes shining like lanterns while looking upon another or does a problem (something harmful) really exist? For some of us this question is very difficult.

    As a kindness the least that we can do is not automatically speak, especially if we believe we must justify ourselves by some abstract principle or enforce some arbitrary limit. Can we let others have the ecstasy we probably want for ourselves? How many sweet moments, both in or out of bed, do people interrupt wanting to “share” a feeling when they are really just imposing? We humans are events in nature and like the whether; we are a part of the environment others must deal with.

    Unlike the weather we can rain on a celebration when it suits us, even compel others to seek shelter from the storm.

    If we have an unpleasant feeling, that does not make the circumstances wrong. We can induce discomfort in ourselves and others with unfounded beliefs. Many bigots indeed feel uncomfortable when they come across racially mixed lovers. When we have an idea of the way things “should be” and treat all else as something wrong, we assume infallible judgment. This is not so unlike the racist. The issue here is prejudice provoking our emotions, not the differences between varieties of narrow-mindedness. When the world transgresses our expectations, it does not mean the world is, wrong.

    [Beware] …of an idea abstracted from the concretes of experience and then used to oppose and negate what it was abstracted from… The ‘sentimentalist fallacy’ is to shed tears over abstract justice and generosity, beauty, etc., and never to know these qualities when you meet them in the street, because the circumstances make them vulgar.
    William James

    Because I Can | By Todd VickersMost of us do not have the opportunity to live in ideal circumstances, but that does not negate the discovery of something outside of our expectations. Sometimes what we find is not just unexpected, but worthwhile, even life changing, like varieties of love existing beyond our previous understanding. Our creation of the opportunities for intimate discovery  are less important than our avoidance of  unconsciously destroying those possibilities.

    By Todd Vickers

    Please consider supporting this website with a donation, at the bottom of page.

    Edit: Grammar and Structure 7/11/2014

    Thank You Wikimedia Commons: Image Link

    Go Beyond Jealousy

    On jealousy by Todd VickersOn jealousy by Todd VickersI want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive … Read More

    How I Had A Big Ass Conversion

    Todd SketchTodd SketchBy Todd Vickers

    At times, the wonders of curvy women seem overlooked. This regrettable fad harms both men and women and I hope my experience will help open some minds. However, stating any attraction to women involves sexist hazards, booby traps if you … Read More

    How a Man Discusses Sex in the Shadow of Sexism

    Benjamin West - Cymon and Iphigenia 1766Benjamin West - Cymon and Iphigenia 1766A man risks the accusation, sometimes correctly, of objectifying women when discussing either sexual joy or desire. Male shaming may occur even if the … Read More

    How I Found My Orgasm, Then Started Cumming in Color

    My OrgasmMy OrgasmMy Orgasm, By Sharon Dalzell

    At twenty five I had yet to experience an orgasm try as I might with a willing partner. I was fed up with wondering what the big fuss was about sex. I … Read More

    Cathartic Orgasms

    Cathartic OrgasmsCathartic OrgasmsThe first time I ever saw a cathartic orgasm I was quite concerned.  Should I ring the ambulance or hope it passes?  ‘Cathartic orgasm’, by the way, is a phrase I coined to describe orgasms that have the same signs and symptoms as shock – light-headed-ness or a feeling of passing out, restlessness, … Read More

    Commitment Involves Prediction

    LargeLeftSideGirlLargeLeftSideGirlPeople believe there can be no love in a relationship without some forecast.

    As if, biological or emotional aspects of human beings mysteriously cease to function without prediction.

    When we consider the many failures of commitment, doubt … Read More

    Confessions of a Female Sex Tourist

    Jodi HansonJodi HansonThe fact that it took me almost twenty five years to realize I was a female sex tourist is not a defense.

    Check the screaming tabloids and anti-prostitution literature to confirm that sex tourism is totally unacceptable. Zero tolerance.

    Flash back to Cuba 1978. I was a 25-year old teacher working on a fly-in Indian reserve in … Read More

    How to Deal With Jealousy

    How to Deal With Jealousy How to Deal With Jealousy How to Deal With Jealousy

    Pleasures rendered harmless through intelligence can liberate wonderful unnoticed possibilities. When a person desires more than one … Read More

    Discovering You Are Not Monogamous

    Not Monogamous Meeting JealousyNot Monogamous Meeting JealousyMeeting Jealousy

    Not everyone who is not monogamous has the temperament for open relationships. Yet, many have a disposition for deceit, those who are pretending to the custom. I support responsible open sexuality and do not mean to discourage this … Read More

    Hobbled Hearts Part 2

    Chained BrideChained BrideSacrificing for an Imagined Good

    When we believe the “right” relationship will secure good circumstances, we assume we know today what this bond should look like in the future. When … Read More

    Hobbled Hearts Part 1

    Hobbled Hearts Hobbled Hearts Don’t condemn body desires

    We are double-dealing with body pleasures if we speak of them in dreadful tones. We take risks with sex but the same is true of driving. Let us disapprove of recklessness, not varieties of joy rendered safe through intelligence. When … Read More

    Women’s Self Concept

    body conceptbody conceptWomen are touchy about this issue. Though men have body concept problems I think women learn to judge their bodies by a much harsher standard than men.  … Read More

    What Do You Mean by Normal People

    Normal PeopleNormal PeopleThe concept of normal people. If we have little or no interest in sex we may withhold that information from most people. If we have desires other than the customary, we probably tend to keep those private. These strategic  … Read More