This brief video looks at one of the mistaken value judgments hidden in the deceit of cheating.
A lie debases our longing for more joy and pollutes our morality. When we habitually use affections, including sexuality as a means, we forget those affections are something that makes life worth living, simply by themselves. This includes sexual affection for more than one other.
Let’s welcome sexuality in honesty.
Affections for their own sake is one of the things that make life worthwhile. Let’s not pretend sexual affection is unimportant when it is.
Every time someone cheats, every monogamous person who doesn’t consider purchased or oral sex and so on to be cheating, we have reason to question monogamy. To rest satisfied with faulting people rejects scrutiny of the idea itself. Read 5 reasons to question monogamy. Read More
I recently shared food with two women who both cheated on past lovers and felt pain about their conduct. Both now live candidly in non-monogamous circumstances and feel better for the change. I know non-monogamous men who feel the same way. These people made moral judgements. Let’s not fear making such judgements, after all, we make them constantly when we weigh choices in terms of better or worse. Let any such judgement consciously invite criticism if some contrary fact or reason eludes us in our… Read More
Let’s look at both monogamy and commitment with fresh eyes and consider five reasons to question both cultural ideas. Let’s not oversimplify the deceit exemplified by Ashley Madison. Widespread cheating suggests sexual impulses exist beyond monogamy. Many arguments against freer sexuality provoke fear and even persecution exemplified in slut shaming, honor killings and LGBT harassment. The discovery of trial and error expands our choices. Discovery also exposes our mistakes. For example, discovering what sex will not do liberates us from our imagination. I treat lovers… Read More
I want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive emotion change. Unfortunately, the inquiry may not come spontaneously, as jealousy arises, intense feeling and finding some relief from the anguish may seem the only problem. Most of us see many faults in self-centered possessiveness but that does not necessarily stop the distress. While seeking security by… Read More