This brief video looks at one of the mistaken value judgments hidden in the deceit of cheating.
A lie debases our longing for more joy and pollutes our morality. When we habitually use affections, including sexuality as a means, we forget those affections are something that makes life worth living, simply by themselves. This includes sexual affection for more than one other.
Let’s welcome sexuality in honesty.
Affections for their own sake is one of the things that make life worthwhile. Let’s not pretend sexual affection is unimportant when it is.
I recently shared food with two women who both cheated on past lovers and felt pain about their conduct. Both now live candidly in non-monogamous circumstances and feel better for the change. I know non-monogamous men who feel the same way. These people made moral judgements. Let’s not fear making such judgements, after all, we make them constantly when we weigh choices in terms of better or worse. Let any such judgement consciously invite criticism if some contrary fact or reason eludes us in our… Read More
Is jealousy natural? Cancer is natural, and so is our appendix. Is jealousy instinctive? Even if we assume it so, our ability to adapt beyond genetic limits is also natural. But anthropology gives us many examples of human sexuality beyond monogamy. Perhaps many of our beliefs about sex are arbitrary based on where and when we were born. We do not grow new eyes; we create glasses and laser-surgery to make up for genetic flaws. Perhaps possessiveness with lovers is a flaw like being near-sighted…. Read More
I want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive emotion change. Unfortunately, the inquiry may not come spontaneously, as jealousy arises, intense feeling and finding some relief from the anguish may seem the only problem. Most of us see many faults in self-centered possessiveness but that does not necessarily stop the distress. While seeking security by… Read More
Authorities insist that relaxed sexual freedom must be illegitimate. They build a fence around a birthright with shame. Then, through custom, they sell you a constrained pleasure in marriage (and commitment). The church and tradition have acted like a corporation controlling a resource when it comes to sex. The way a corporation sells a natural resource like water is to build a fence around the resource, then build the infrastructure, and to get you access, you pay them and they control the resource and cost…. Read More