Tag: open marriage

Poly Follies | The Exhibit and Talk

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The talk “Polyamory Without Pathos” at Saguaro Man went well. Such a deep subject is impossible to delve into properly in just an hour. Below, I will broach several points mentioned during the talk. We talked about what I call ‘tragic fiction,’ which is treating something imagined as real and imposing the emotion induced on others. Such behavior endangers affections. A metaphor for this issue is the story of a man rowing a boat in the early morning mist and colliding with another boat. The… Read More

Polyamorous Expectations Dare Letting Go

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The angst often associated with relationships may not be because a a problem exists, but because the events are different than our expectations. Letting go of unrealistic ideals becomes more important in non-monogamous relationships. We tend to cling to beliefs when we feel out of control and we use power to defend them. The use of emotional blackmail, coercion, wild accusations and threats to achieve our aims is itself destructive. Do not pole-vault over mouse turds! Such behavior does not lend itself to trust or… Read More

Stop excusing jealousy as natural

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Is jealousy natural? Cancer is natural, and so is our appendix. Is jealousy instinctive? Even if we assume it so, our ability to adapt beyond genetic limits is also natural. But anthropology gives us many examples of human sexuality beyond monogamy. Perhaps many of our beliefs about sex are arbitrary based on where and when we were born. We do not grow new eyes; we create glasses and laser-surgery to make up for genetic flaws. Perhaps possessiveness with lovers is a flaw like being near-sighted…. Read More