Tag: jealousy

Sexual Kindness

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By Todd Vickers We will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this kindness or corrupt it. In a situation with more than one lover, the gravity of this subject increases. Our desire for truthfulness is a real merit… Read More

Couple Calls – By The Honest Courtesan

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A couple call is different from a two-girl call in that the latter involves two professional women rather than one professional and one amateur; despite the fact that the fantasy is the same, the dynamic is quite different because in the two-girl call the whores generally know each other and may even have had similar dates together before.  There were two girls in particular with whom I really enjoyed doing these sorts of calls, and since they liked me as well such calls usually went… Read More

We Believed Lies About Commitments

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What is commitment? If we say it is dedication to a cause or activity remember another  person is not an idea or something we do. When humans became domesticated the concept of property became relevant. Men started treating women as property. In finding a better morality, men offered themselves as property in return. Relationships became more equal but still a person is not property. Business and affection should be judged by different standards. You don’t need a commitment to have a friend and friends are… Read More

Polyamorous Expectations Dare Letting Go

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The angst often associated with relationships may not be because a a problem exists, but because the events are different than our expectations. Letting go of unrealistic ideals becomes more important in non-monogamous relationships. We tend to cling to beliefs when we feel out of control and we use power to defend them. The use of emotional blackmail, coercion, wild accusations and threats to achieve our aims is itself destructive. Do not pole-vault over mouse turds! Such behavior does not lend itself to trust or… Read More

Interview with a Non-Monogamous Woman

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Q: You felt it necessary to be anonymous for this interview. I think it says something about our so-called freedom of speech. Why do you feel the need to be anonymous? M: I live in a small town, and I have children. I’m not sure that I want the judgment of my church-going neighbors to be carried out on my innocent children. Who knows what reactions might take place? Would my children be teased or shunned at school or in the neighborhood? This isn’t their… Read More

Stop excusing jealousy as natural

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Is jealousy natural? Cancer is natural, and so is our appendix. Is jealousy instinctive? Even if we assume it so, our ability to adapt beyond genetic limits is also natural. But anthropology gives us many examples of human sexuality beyond monogamy. Perhaps many of our beliefs about sex are arbitrary based on where and when we were born. We do not grow new eyes; we create glasses and laser-surgery to make up for genetic flaws. Perhaps possessiveness with lovers is a flaw like being near-sighted…. Read More

Go Beyond Jealousy

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Todd Vickers

I want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive emotion change. Unfortunately, the inquiry may not come spontaneously, as jealousy arises, intense feeling and finding some relief from the anguish may seem the only problem. Most of us see many faults in self-centered possessiveness but that does not necessarily stop the distress. While seeking security by… Read More

How to Deal With Jealousy

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How to Deal With Jealousy

How to Deal With Jealousy Pleasures rendered harmless through intelligence can liberate wonderful unnoticed possibilities. When a person desires more than one lover that longing probably will not find satisfaction through any amount of great sex with a single person. I live in open relationships and have done so for two decades. Anyone who tries to coerce a lover into such a lifestyle would be asking for a hellish reaction; such manipulation seems as cruel as trying to impose monogamy. Open relationships suffer the same… Read More

Discovering You Are Not Monogamous

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Meeting Jealousy Not everyone who is not monogamous has the temperament for open relationships. Yet, many have a disposition for deceit, those who are pretending to the custom. I support responsible open sexuality and do not mean to discourage this freedom. However, the emotional intensity involved suggests the need for the most direct honesty without wishful thinking. Chauvinistic cultures sadly make such truthfulness impossible. In a more open society, these qualities are still often lacking. Some think that traditional relationships offer a refuge from rivalry…. Read More