Tag: polyamory

Promiscuity, Platitudes and Prejudice

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Sexual Freedom

Excerpt: Todd Vickers New Writing at The Elephant Journal I have some reservations about certain extremes of consensual kink, but again, that is a matter of personal judgment, not a reflection on sex or sexual freedom. It’s trivial to claim, “if we did not engage in promiscuous sex, problems like STIs and unwanted pregnancy would not exist.” We could just as easily argue that if we did not eat chicken, we would eliminate the spread of salmonella. That statement is naive, the issue lies in… Read More

When Men Love

Aside

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Back Cover Text

After a year of the most erotic love of his life, James breaks up with Cindy, a woman who refused to be controlled. Cindy warned him that she was a ‘free spirit,’ but he didn’t know that meant she wanted OTHER lovers.

Now struggling, desolate, and angry, James turns to isolation and porn as a refuge. Tom, his best friend, drags him to a beach getaway with other men. When the talk turns to lovers, James is stunned to find his friend, Marlow, in an open marriage and his wife, Angi, currently on Maui with a lover. Cliff and Douglass boldly live non-monogamy, but Barry, Adolfo, and Andy reject it. Tom and Ranjeet sit on the fence. 

Cover When Men Love

James is forced to look into his shadow, while standing in the light of the other men’s experiences. He begins to question the bounds he enforced on his love. The stories of erotic venture and heartbreak shake the beliefs that James thought were bedrock and turn them to sand that slips through his fingers. 

Burning in his passion for the woman he pushed away, his limits are tested. James must either hold on to old beliefs or dare to risk the unknown.

Title of Book: WHEN MEN LOVE, a Romance/Contemporary novel complete at 70,000 words. It will appeal to fans of romance, polyamory and erotica books.

Currently querying literary agents.

Argh! Lip service to tradition! What is Orwellian Polyamory?

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Orwellian Polyamory

Discover the truth about non-monogamy and why it’s not the morally equivalent to monogamy in this eye-opening video! Possessiveness, and non-possessiveness are opposites!  You may enjoy reading The Polyamorous Caravan 2 Excerpt: “Many non-traditional folks carry conclusions that seem to rest on bias left over from tradition… I explain how such ideas are a superstitions relationship mythology.” Read More

How to compare loving non-monogamy versus codependent monogamy

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loving non-monogamy

The desire to know and share what’s true, to share what’s best in life, to love wholly without restraint, to live intensely! These values did not arise in me out of virtue, oh no! They BEGAN to clarify because of loss. My most beloved, died when I was nine. The tears that I feared would never end washed the dust from a jewel. Why should I fear to tell the truth, or a broken heart? I already know l will lose you, THIS is the… Read More

Bullshit hypnotic manipulation imposes sexual beliefs

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hypnotic manipulation

Monogamy is a possessive ideology. It presumes to predict the future and often fails. Monogamy becomes a prison for affections and often kills the love that it hoped to protect. In many cases, monogamy is a maladaptation imposed by culturally redundant hypnotic manipulations. When we are actually living in a world where many people live outside of monogamy (honestly or not,) then let’s meet that fact truthfully and adapt to the world the way it is. Polyamory and other forms of ethical non-monogamy exemplify our… Read More

Love relationships sex non-monogamy doubting couple privilege

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Couple privileQuestioning couple privilegege

Five reasons ‘Couple privilege’ doesn’t exist By Lola Phoenix: Lola is a non-binary queer future best selling sci-fi/fantasy novelist in her late twenties. I’ve seen this concept floating around for a long time and I’ve always not really agreed with it or liked it, but it’s taken me awhile to sit down and explain my problem with this concept, why I think it’s inaccurate and what else should be used to describe some of what people usually use ‘ couple privilege ’ to describe. Reason 1:… Read More

Changing our views of love

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love like water

Love like water. Instead of saying we have different kinds of love, such as, one kind for friends, another for family, and another then lovers. I ask, what if we have only one love that takes different forms, like the way water conforms itself to the present situation? If love like water resonates with you, rather than trying to pour our love into containers shaped like our ideals that assume what love should be. Instead, I suggest, we hold standards of harm that tell us… Read More

Don’t miss love

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At the age of nine, the death of my beloved sister before she turned twenty taught me something about relationships and this lesson extends to sexual relationships, don’t miss love. What we grieve for in loss is not what the people did for us or helped us to accomplish. We grieve the irreplaceable affections we shared. Don’t miss love. This love has a value unto itself as a part of a good life and, speaking for myself, to imagine a life without such love immediately degrades… Read More

Sexual Kindness

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By Todd Vickers We will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this kindness or corrupt it. In a situation with more than one lover, the gravity of this subject increases. Our desire for truthfulness is a real merit… Read More

Reform socially NOT politically

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By Todd Vickers Politics and sex can exist apart but those interested in sex should heed the 2016 election results. Since we shouldn’t rely on reforms in a conservative political environment, any change becomes a social not a political responsibility. The reasoning offered here also applies to issues beyond sexuality. Before talking about conscious social change let’s take a broad overview. Any minority existing outside the status quo is stifled in a conservative environment. I’ll mention some relevant sexual issues, if you are interested in sex education, polyamory, LGBTQ, sex… Read More

A monogamous irony

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Would you like to see some different views that challenge beliefs about sex? We’ve got articles, videos, slide shows and memes you can peruse, contemplate, share and comment about. Consider a four part series discussing jealousy, or read about cathartic orgasms. What about going beyond rules in polyamory or how different non-monogamous people hold different views? We link to articles of interest and shine a light on controversial questions. The majority of the content is free. Come check it out!   Read More

Go beyond cheating

Video

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Cheating ImageThis brief video looks at one of the mistaken value judgments hidden in the deceit of cheating.

A lie debases our longing for more joy and pollutes our morality. When we habitually use affections, including sexuality as a means, we forget those affections are something that makes life worth living, simply by themselves. This includes sexual affection for more than one other.

Let’s welcome sexuality in honesty.

Affections for their own sake is one of the things that make life worthwhile. Let’s not pretend sexual affection is unimportant when it is.

Non-monogamy, a growing morality

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The impulse to a more relaxed and open sexuality is not merely instinctive, but also moral. We see this (re)emerging morality* in conflict with established customs, like the conflict illustrated in The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn when Huck contemplated turning in his friend Jim, an escaped slave. All his life, Huck had learned that it was a sin to help a slave escape. He also knew that a reward would be involved in turning Jim in. He even wrote a letter to inform the slave… Read More

Facing facts, sex and climate change

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What do sex and climate change have in common? Both involve facts we sometimes feel tempted to ignore or alter them to suit our existing ideas. Here is an excerpt from the Elephant Journal article Accepting Polyamory as Natural might help us to Accept Climate Change. {Adult} Sometimes an experience outside of what we know changes our beliefs forever. At the age of 24, my beliefs about sex were upended. In a safe, free-love community experiment, a group of blindfolded men and women met each other silently by touch only. Body to body, I noticed vast… Read More

Monogamy is not virtue

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Before considering sexuality let’s remember, if we have a prejudice, we might feel uncomfortable seeing others going beyond the limits of such beliefs. Being uncomfortable is not the same thing as being mistreated. We feel uncomfortable at the dentist, but taking care of our teeth is a good thing. A child feels utterly distressed when they want something from the store and the parent says no. That does not make the child a victim in any way. When considering different ways to relate to lovers, any relationship that exists without being… Read More

Poly Follies | The Exhibit and Talk

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The talk “Polyamory Without Pathos” at Saguaro Man went well. Such a deep subject is impossible to delve into properly in just an hour. Below, I will broach several points mentioned during the talk. We talked about what I call ‘tragic fiction,’ which is treating something imagined as real and imposing the emotion induced on others. Such behavior endangers affections. A metaphor for this issue is the story of a man rowing a boat in the early morning mist and colliding with another boat. The… Read More

Saguaro Man | The Poly Follies Art

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We’re off to Saguaro Man tomorrow. Seven pieces of Todd’s art will be on exhibit called Poly Follies at Center Camp. He will be doing a talk Saturday at Noon called Polyamory Without Pathos (i.e. tragic fiction) also at Center Camp and giving away some books. Our Camp is called The Temple of Resonance, if your going to be near, drop by for a chat. Will be posting picks of the event. Todd, Chita & Gregg     Read More