How to compare loving non-monogamy versus codependent monogamy

loving non-monogamyThe desire to know and share what’s true, to share what’s best in life, to love wholly without restraint, to live intensely! These values did not arise in me out of virtue, oh no! They BEGAN to clarify because of loss. My most beloved, died when I was nine. The tears that I feared would never end washed … Read More

Bullshit hypnotic manipulation imposes sexual beliefs

hypnotic manipulationMonogamy is a possessive ideology. It presumes to predict the future and often fails. Monogamy becomes a prison for affections and often kills the love that it hoped to protect. In many cases, monogamy is a maladaptation imposed by culturally redundant hypnotic manipulations. When we are actually living in a world where many people live outside of … Read More

Go beyond cheating

Cheating ImageThis brief video looks at one of the mistaken value judgments hidden in the deceit of cheating.

A lie debases our longing for more joy and pollutes our morality. When we habitually use affections, including sexuality as a means, we forget those affections are something that makes life worth living, simply by themselves. This includes sexual affection for more than one other.

Let’s welcome sexuality in honesty.

Affections for their own sake is one of the things that make life worthwhile. Let’s not pretend sexual affection is unimportant when it is.

Monogamy is not virtue

Not VirtueBefore considering sexuality let’s remember, if we have a prejudice, we might feel uncomfortable seeing others going beyond the limits of such beliefs. Being uncomfortable is not the same thing as being mistreated. We feel uncomfortable at the dentist, but taking care of our teeth is a good thing. A child feels utterly distressed when they want something from the store and the parent … Read More

Questioning Monogamy

Every time someone cheats, every monogamous person who doesn’t consider purchased or oral sex and so on to be cheating, we have reason to question monogamy.

Monogamy Ideal

To rest satisfied with faulting people rejects scrutiny of the idea itself.  Read 5 reasons to question monogamy.

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5 Reasons to Question Monogamy at Elephant Journal

Let’s Sketch of a Clasiclook at both monogamy and commitment with fresh eyes and consider five reasons to question both cultural ideas.

Let’s not oversimplify the deceit exemplified by Ashley Madison. Widespread cheating suggests sexual impulses exist beyond monogamy.

Many arguments against freer sexuality provoke fear and even persecution exemplified in slut shaming, honor killings and LGBT harassment.

The discovery of trial and error expands our choices. Discovery also exposes our mistakes.

For example, discovering … Read More

The Risk of Sexual Suppression

We can break out of old sexual beliefs and restrictions without being destructive.

Any education about sex or sex book should include observations about restraint. Good sex is better when we are more informed.

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The Polyamorous Caravan – Part One

Benwell_Caravan-with-the-Pyramids-and-Sphinx-beyondIn sexual relationships, consider the anguish of those that try everything they learned to do in order to succeed and still suffer. People often attempt what their contemporaries and therapists suggest, to create lasting relationships. Regardless of the money spent and sincere efforts, many do not find satisfaction following a set of directions to build or sustain sexual affections. Therefore, I question the … Read More

Go Beyond Jealousy

On jealousy by Todd VickersI want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive emotion change. Unfortunately, the inquiry may not come spontaneously, as jealousy arises, intense feeling and finding some relief from the anguish may seem the … Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 2

Chained BrideSacrificing for an Imagined Good

When we believe the “right” relationship will secure good circumstances, we assume we know today what this bond should look like in the future. When we attempt to make human interaction similar to ideas we reject other alternatives. We turn our lovers into just a means. Let’s be clear, I use others as … Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 1

Hobbled Hearts Don’t condemn body desires

We are double-dealing with body pleasures if we speak of them in dreadful tones. We take risks with sex but the same is true of driving. Let us disapprove of recklessness, not varieties of joy rendered safe through intelligence. When sexual delights happen every day without injury, we should not blame sex for errors of judgment.

If we condemn physical desires, confusion … Read More

Marriage Industrial Complex

Pleasure is bad unless...Authority insisted that relaxed sexual freedom must be illegitimate. They built a fence around a birthright with shame. Then through the custom, they sell you a constrained pleasure.

We appease the uncomfortable sexual limits of tradition through buying things commercially associated with sex. The consumer receives an illusion of security and faux potency with each purchase.

Why not … Read More