Female Ejaculation Learning to Squirt Orgasm

Female EjaculationAs soon as we’d ordered lunch at the local Japanese restaurant I launched into my story of the week. “I’ve just discovered female ejaculation.”

Sonja rolled her eyes slightly, “Oh yes. Men really get off on that because it makes them feel powerful to watch a woman squirt.”

“Can you do that?”


“So why haven’t you told me?”

She shot me a quizzical look,

“You’ve never asked.”


Female ejaculation isn’t a popular topic of conversation, even among my women friends who discuss ménage a trios and anal sex in the same sort of way some women talk about manicures and finding new restaurants.

Nurse Pamela, maneuvering her chopsticks around the recently arrived plate of sushi, remained skeptical.

“What happens? Does it make your orgasms spectacular?”

I told her I didn’t know as I’d only had one experience.

“Hummmm, then I’m not all that interested. Sounds too much like work.”

Determined to find out if I was the only other woman in Australia, or possibly on the planet, who didn’t know about female ejaculation I started to ask around. A few people had the experience; many had heard about women who ejaculated and almost everyone had a vague idea about the topic; the majority, however, thought female ejaculation was a myth. Like other obscure topics, such as cathartic orgasms, egusi soup and chaos theory, some people knew exactly what I was talking about. Bob, a friend in Auckland said, “My first wife used to ejaculate if I spent a lot of time and did everything just right. But I didn’t like her much so mostly I didn’t bother.”

In my case it was a matter of ‘When you are ready a teacher will appear’.  As a sexually Gaston_Bussiere_-_Sea_Nymphs_at_a_Grotto,_1924active woman, a demanding lover and a dominatrix perhaps I should have stumbled across female ejaculation earlier. But I didn’t. It wasn’t until I met Alexander, who introduced me to the sport, that I had my first ejaculation.

Like so many people I’ve since talked to, I thought female ejaculation was something you could either do or you couldn’t – rather like rolling your tongue or wiggling your ears. The idea of learning how to ejaculate had never occurred to me, until Alexander came into my bedroom and started to teach me about it. While there are references to female ejaculation in women’s magazines, sites dedicated to it on the web, it still isn’t a topic a lot of people set out to study.   Like so many other things, such as new food or travel, it isn’t until we have a personal experience that we become involved and want to know more.

Wanting to write about female ejaculation so I could tell other people about it, I put fresh batteries in my tape recorder and plopped it in front of Alexander.

By way of background information, Alexander is one of the about .1% of men in the world I would classify as an exceptional lover. The characteristics of an exceptional lover are that s/he views sex is an art form. As well as techniques, s/he is also concerned with safety (both sexual and personal), pushing boundaries without being threatening and encouraging her/his partner to give and receive the best s/he can. While a lot of men claim to love sex, they seem to confuse it with ejaculation – theirs.

When I asked Alexander how many sexual partners he’d had he wasn’t sure. In fact, he couldn’t even give me an estimate within ‘give or take fifty’. So we settled on ‘enough – probably in the hundreds’. I asked Alexander how he’d learned to make women ejaculate. Recognizing his ‘Damn it, here we go again with all her questions’ sigh I topped up his glass of wine and settled back on the sofa determined to extract the information I wanted, no matter how much Sauvignon blanc was involved.

Alexander started by talking about orgasms in general, saying that from a young age there’s a lot of pressure on people to be sexually proficient, even though they may not know a lot about what they’re doing. “It wasn’t uncommon for girls to fake an orgasm, timed perfectly with the real male one. After all, that’s how it happens in the magazines and romance novels. The first time I saw a girl ejaculate I was shocked. She’d often gushed a lot of light watery fluid at the peak of her orgasm. I loved it – it was involuntary, it was different and, so naturally, I assumed all women could do that if they really enjoyed sex.”

According to Alexander it was different from the lubricating wetness he was used to. “She couldn’t explain it, but it definitely wasn’t pee. I had no idea what had happened and there was no one to really ask. And I wasn’t going to find it in World Book Encyclopaedia, that’s for sure. My assumption was that it was just extra good and, in hindsight, I realized she’d sometimes fake her orgasm to get the timing of that perfect mutual orgasm just right. I’ve since discovered that the fluid varies in scent from person to person and ranges in viscosity from a watery liquid to a thick creamy lubricating fluid.”

Apparently ejaculation rarely occurs from clitoral stimulation alone. “I constantly hear complaints from women about men who think that if a little is good, then harder and faster is better. That’s not the case, in my experience, with the quest for female ejaculation.”

Other critical influences he identified include a combination of positioning, a range of movements, pressure variations, speed and, most importantly, verbal encouragement. “I’ve found that what I say and how I say it is so very important. It’s not just about permission to let go without consequence, but encouraging my partner to do it in a big way. As we know, the mind is our greatest sexual organ. Quite a few women are afraid to completely lose control, so when I say something like “Go ahead and squirt, piss all over my hand and saturate me” they can see that I’m aroused by the idea and they tend to relax and let things happen naturally. Of course, talking and encouraging a partner during sex nearly always has positive results.   Some women have a lot of inhibitions. The idea that nice girls soak beds isn’t something they learn in school. Or even from their girlfriends. There seems to be so little known, that it would be easy for people to confuse it with some type of pissing and avoid it at all cost”

While the traditional orgasm and ejaculation are often AniRulesconcurrent, they don’t have to be, according to Alexander. “I can only assume it’s a combination of psychological, emotional and physical stimuli. Sometimes a woman will ejaculate before reaching orgasm.

For most though, ejaculation and orgasm occur at the same time and she just goes wild because of the physical and mental overload, almost more than she can handle.”

Alexander finds that the more experience he has and the more he encourages his partners to experiment, the more women he meets who can learn to ejaculate. “During my twenties, I’d say about 5% of the women I had sex with ejaculated. In my thirties, about 10%. Now I’d say about 20% of women I know will readily ejaculate. Mind you, there are different manifestations. Some need a little more coaxing and coaching, but no matter what I try, about 80% of women just don’t ejaculate and I don’t know why.

From a man’s perspective, women feel about as different on the inside as they look on the outside. Add to that all sorts of emotional, physical and psychological variations, plus my mood, patience and motivation and there are a lot of reasons ejaculation may not happen. It might with another man or under different circumstances.”

I asked Alexander to describe the kinds of ejaculations he’d seen.

“Everything from a slow and rhythmic pulsing of clear viscous liquid over minutes, to the most drenching and explosive spraying that soaked everything within a one meter radius. In the explosive scenarios, only smell and texture would differentiate it from gushing urine.   In one instance, a woman sprayed and some of her fluid hit a window that was two meters away.   At the time my hand was pushing against the natural flow, which likely increased the pressure and caused her to squirt across the room. We had a chuckle about it later when we found it during the cleaning up. The most dramatic example though, was a woman who would just continue to orgasm and ejaculate from finger work so long as I didn’t let her come down from the high. I lost count, but it was in the vicinity of 30 separate orgasms and ejaculations. Thankfully we were in a hotel room as the mattress and base were drenched through. I was tired, but she was totally exhausted and couldn’t stand up for an hour. I’ll never forget that morning”

The porn industry has a lot to answer for regarding making female ejaculation seem unusual.   “I’ve seen plenty of videos depicting squirting like it’s a freak of nature. It’s not. Some of the porn videos portray the women as sluts who somehow achieve this unusual feat for the camera. I sometimes wonder if it is real ejaculation or it’s just orchestrated to make the film.”

Auguste Gaspard Louis Desnoyers_-_Nymphes_au_Bain,_1830Helping a woman discover ejaculation can be a very intimate and moving experience. “It certainly excites me. As you’re not experiencing it yourself, you have to be acutely tuned in to your partner’s responses. If you aren’t intuitive about it, your chances of success are limited. As both a participant and a spectator, any amount of fluid that squirts from the urethra is spectacular in my books. The more fluid, the more aroused I get and the more pleased a woman seems to feel with herself. As a man, it’s wonderful when a woman says, ”Hey guess what I did… I managed to hit the bed head, soak two towels and it still went through to the mattress.”

Alexander’s analysis of my experience, which was more like a dribble than a waterfall and interesting but not spectacular, was “You’re so bloody clinical, you have to understand everything. Why can’t just lie back and enjoy it for what it is?”   My somewhat limp excuse is that I’m a recovering academic.

Wanting to experiment further I waited until I had a free Sunday afternoon. Then I settled into bed with lube, a hand towel and the determination to discover a formula that worked for me. It was time to move beyond being perfunctory and get serious about learning how to ejaculate properly.

I inserted my finger into my vagina and then curled it around so it touched the back of my pubic bone. Ah yes, there was the pad, the bit of flesh that feels different, rougher somehow, like the surface of a tongue. So I squeeze and rubbed the area softly and then increased the pressure and the motion. Nothing much happened except that I felt like I was going to pee and knew that was the first sign that I was doing something right. So I pressed harder and rubbed faster. Still no squirting, nothing to get excited about. Frankly, by this time I was starting to get a touch bored with the entire process, not an uncommon reaction given that immediate gratification is one of my specialities.

Not wanting to waste my self-indulgent time I used my vibrator to bring myself to the point of clitoral orgasm and then inserted it to see if it had any effect. It was a pleasant enough sensation, but still no towel soaking gushes. I turned off the vibrator and reinserted my finger. The difference was amazing! The pad had spread to a larger area. And the center was engorged and felt about the size of a cashew. So again I rubbed and pressed. Nice feeling, but it still wasn’t happening. I was getting frustrated. Why had it worked before? Why couldn’t I reproduce it?

Almost at the point when I was ready to admit ejaculation defeat, I slowly extracted my finger until it was at the opening of my vagina, which had become the outer reaches of the pad. With my finger lightly resting there I felt a slight dribble. Then a gush. And then another spasm of pelvic floor muscles contractions that shot fluid over the end of the towel. There was no doubt that I’d discovered female ejaculation at last!

Always the intrepid researcher I had to make sure I had it right – not difficult as I was enjoying the field research. After repeated re-enactments, which soaked the hand towel, another bath towel and seeped through the sheets and the mattress cover I decided I’d earned the title of ‘Female Ejaculator.’

The method that works for me to become sexually aroused, curl my finger back over the centre of the pad behind my public bone and then press. The pressure builds up the tension until it becomes almost uncomfortable. Then when I slide my finger to the edge of the pad area I start to squirt. Sometimes it starts as a dribble and turns to a gush. Other times it is a reaction to the muscles convulsing and the fluid erupts into waves.

By the end of my experiment I was exhausted. Dehydrated. And very pleased with myself.   My ejaculatory fluid is clear, watery and slightly acidic. Although it comes from the urethra – as do both semen and urine – it is as different in smell, texture and taste to urine as Sauvignon blanc is to single malt.

I was very excited when I rang Alexander. “Hey, I’ve discovered the formula for female ejaculation.”

“No, you’ve figured out what works for you In Werner's Rowing Boat Source Wikimedia Commons– and we all know that you don’t represent most women. Each woman has to discover what does or doesn’t work for her. Another thing to remember is that not all women can ejaculate, any more than all women can orgasm or get pregnant. It’s very much an individual process, with varying reactions and expectations. Can you imagine if everyone in the world suddenly decided women should ejaculate? There would be a lot of disappointment and finger pointing at people’s apparent failure: “You’re frigid”; “No, you’re useless”.

According to Alexander people have to keep female ejaculation in perspective. “Techniques should be considered merely as guidelines from which you adapt according to the infinite number of variables in people, moods and relationships. This, like tactile pleasure generally, is not just about technique. Remember we’re not talking about operating a ‘female machine – model 1972, version blond’ here. It is an intimate and personal experience, with everything that involves.

Our mind interprets pleasure and then translates it so that it makes sense. It’s what you create in your partner’s mind that will have the greatest influence over her reaction, and probably her chance of reaching orgasm and ejaculating, if possible. Stimulation is really just a series of electrical messages.

Creating a safe place for a woman to willingly open herself to new experiences requires an understanding of her personally, what’s important to her, her fantasies and, most importantly, her fears. That requires genuine attention and reassurance on the man’s part. It’s a fair generalization that women are more likely to share more intimate thoughts with those they trust than men are. It is all about trust and you have to give it to earn it. It’s big picture stuff. Once you understand the environment and context you need to be in, you can then work on the details, like technique. What guides you then is listening and responding to what is happening in the moment, subtle or otherwise, and not focusing on the expected outcome. And I shouldn’t have to mention it for the guys, but more of everything doesn’t necessarily mean better. It’s up to you to learn about the individual or you’ll be forever wondering why something works one day and not the next. Patience serves everyone well. Trying to blueprint every technique is a waste of time.

Males of every species have innate reproductive techniques. Humans are fortunate in that we can continue to consciously explore the pleasure of sex. What works for us today, may not do it for us next week. But there are always new discoveries, if we want to invest our time in sexual adventure. At an early age, I learned that carefully focusing on my partner’s responses was rewarding because my pleasure increased by having my partner get off. From a male perspective, being trusted and sought after is wonderful for the ego.”

While I’m having a lovely time experimenting with ejaculation if I’d never had the experience my sex life would have continued along on its merry way and I wouldn’t have felt it was inadequate. Female ejaculation is just an added extra.

Having said that, I would still encourage women who haven’t ejaculated to experiment. Informational web sites include:

www.drsusanblock.comwww.doctorg.com, www.fetishexchange.org, www.holisticwisdom.com

Alexander speculates, “It would be great to be able to work closely with more women to fine tune the techniques that work for them and to work with men to heighten their awareness. Not just that female ejaculation exists, but that there are serious rewards for everyone in attentive exploration – regardless of the outcome.” He is also right about people realizing it will work for some but not for all. The expectation of orgasm or ejaculation detracts from what spectacular sex is all about – pleasure, enjoyment and intimacy.

Want to share your experience with emission orgasm?

See the comment section below.


By Mistress J

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Image Source: Wikimedia Commons

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  1. I have spent most of my life learning how to please a woman. I was lucky to travel quite a bit when I was younger and experienced a few different cultures. This gave me a different view of sexuality at a young age so much different than what I grew up with in the U.S.
    Women and there bodies are so complex. You can have all the physical knowledge but if you can’t connect with her mind that knowledge is fairly useless.
    I have been helping women ejaculate for close to twenty years. I have learned that they all can have spectacular orgasms from techniques used for creating a squirting orgasm but not all will ejaculate. Some reason’s they don’t I feel are, they try to hard. They want to ejaculate so bad that they don’t relax and just be in the moment. I find that if I can communicate with this type of woman and have her focus on my voice that I can talk her to ejaculation. Others are scared or intimidated of the experience or the loss of control she may feel. For her I need to communicate to her that it’s okay ti have these feelings and to just relax and trust that I am totally there for her no matter what. That I will take care of her and she is completely safe and what may happen is a natural and beautiful thing. The last is more difficult. The woman who has body issues or low self esteem. She is the most important to me. Again its about building trust and completely caring for your partner. This woman is the most beautiful to me. I want her to feel how beautiful she is to me. To relax and let me touch and feel her. My sole purpose is to let her know that she is sexy and erotic and to just let go and allow me to please her.
    With all of these different personality types it all comes down to communication and trust. With these two elements there is nothing you cannot explore and experience.
    As fare as position and technique go. I prefer a massage table to start. Set the mood. Candles soft music and possibly wine. Begin with a sensual massage. Slow and methodical. Build the sexual tension. Then as the woman is on her back continue to massage then bring her feet back and knees up. Use lots of lube or safe massage oil. While standing at her side insert your two middle fingers. Curl tips up. You will feel the pad or gspot. Slowly stroke to start gentle stimulation. As you feel it swell and enlarge take your off hand and feel for the top of the pubic bone. Move up a little to the soft lower abdomen just above the pubic bone and with the ridge of your hand gently press in and down towards your inserted fingers. Now instead of an in and out motion with your hand with the inserted fingers start with an up and down motion. Pick up a steady rhythm, not fast but not to slow. Watch her reaction. Her body will tell you when the rhythm is correct. Now keep this rhythm. Don’t speed up or slow down. Nice and steady till she starts to orgasm. Then slow down to let her catch her breath then pick up the rhythm again.
    If she doesn’t squirt don’t worry about it. As long as she is happy and satisfied then I have done a good thing 🙂

  2. Interesting article. I have multiple partners who constantly tell me A. They will make me squirt ,or B.ask me of i can squirt. I have only done it once a few years ago and that was with someone who actually bothered to arouse me properly!
    A lot of my partners are the types who are only fussed about their own pleasure/end result and haven’t even made me orgasm as standard 🙁
    It’s given me a lot to think about in regards to my current sex life and what i actually want.
    Thank you .

  3. So glad I found this article. I just started seeing a guy who is unlike any other I’ve been with. He really connects with me and seems to know what he’s doing more than any other guy I’ve been with. Twice now he’s given me an orgasm and next thing I know, warm liquid is pouring out of me and the bed is soaked. It didnt feel like I was peeing, and it didn’t look or smell like urine, but I didn’t know what it was. Now I know that I’m a gusher!! Awesome!!

  4. There is no such thing as squirting. It is urine. The female anatomy is incapable of storing all that fluid anywhere but the bladder. If you are a porn watcher, just pay attention to what she is doing during the “squirt”. She is pushing outward, which is typical of peeing. Since it is natural to NOT want to pee during sex, she has to push it out. She forces it. This causes major clitoral stimulation, which causes heightened sensitivity. Thus, a boosted orgasmic wave. But it is still only PEEING.

    Many fools in the world today don’t know history. Years ago, there were certain water pills that would cause inflammation of the clitoris. The side effect was heightened sensitivity. So those water pills were being used as aphrodisiacs. They didnt work on all women. But did on many. But there was a side effect to the whole thing that kept the whole idea hush hush. Because of the inflammation, women would often pee themselves during sex. They couldn’t hold it. This was considered an embarrassment back then. Nobody talked about it.

    Fast forward to today. People have no shame at all. Anything goes. We live in an age of foolishness where people will believe anything that get pushed around enough. The media are having a grand ole time with today’s generation of fools. Squirting is one of many deceptions in the world today. So while your girlfriend is pissing on your face while you are smiling, somebody somewhere is laughing at how dumb you really are.

    • You are making two statements, one is a judgment of fact, the other is a judgment of taste. I will deal with these separately. I’m willing to admit you might be right but you might be wrong too. You proclaim things about woman’s anatomy but gave no source of this knowledge. There have been many flawed claims about woman’s anatomy i.e. Republicans thinking that women can’t get pregnant from rape. You saying that women can only store this fluid in the bladder can be doubted by anyone who’s ever had runny nose. When allergies hit, it’s not that I have a bag of fluid in my head, the fluid is secreted. Even if what you say is true the way you have proposed this, anyone who believed you would be unreasonable. It it’s a decree not reason. Most people know about anatomy second hand, they do not perform dissection on human bodies. If you have access to better information that doesn’t make you smarter and to think it does is flattering yourself. Give us access to your information and we will judge.

      Your second statement, even if you are right about the fact, if harmless pleasure comes to women, knowledge about squirting orgasm has value. It’s about women’s pleasure and some of us think that is worthwhile and a joy to understand.

  5. Audrey De La Vega

    This article was a fantastic find, and it explained your process so well that I tried it. I used a lot of clitoral stimulation and then would switch to the pad inside and would keep switching. I’ve never felt that aroused from my fingers being inside me before. But thank you for describing the way it was supposed to feel almost uncomfortable too you’re right but it was awesome. I didn’t squirt but I did gush a lot.

    Also thank you Todd for the helpful friend suggestion now I really want to try that.

    I think what makes it hard for some women (i used to be guilty of this) is that they’re completely concerned with how they look; weight, facial reactions, stretch marks, ect. So it can be hard to let loose when you’re mind is elsewhere.
    Having a partner that embraces everything about sex with you really helps.

    • davidsmithedmonds1018@gmail.com

      Squirt is true. its not urine. Its always clear, taste it. Its not piss

  6. what bunk, typical feminazi hatered of men. men like to please women and if they squirt from pleasure so what.

    • Dude, you should learn to take a fucking joke.

      You could’ve made a point distinguishing that it is better to have a man proud of pleasing a woman, then to have a man not giving a shit about a woman’s pleasure. And you could have made that point without all the exaggerated and irrational bile. To chuckle about men strutting around like rosters because they got a woman off is no more pernicious than men joking about a woman’s vanity when she dresses up in pumps and then walks like a goose. It is a misguided notion to think something that caused no harm is in any way hateful. Your reasoning is as flawed as when a woman uncritically rejects all scrutiny or joking about her ideas as patriarchal hatred, regardless of the inquiry into whether her ideas are true or false.

      If you will only consider the opinions of people who will flatter you, then you stultify yourself.

  7. Thank you!! I’ve wondered, for several years, if I am a freak of nature. Men love it but I had never even heard of it The first time. I’ve beg to embrace it but sometimes I’d like to just have a standard orgasm.

  8. is squirting the same as a snapper. I have experienced both and as separate phenomena. I like to see more about snappers.

  9. Just gotta say this was definitely a wonderful read and very eye opening to my own endeavor, thank you so much for this.

  10. love to make her happy

    My new love squirts,and I find it to be so amazing. I feel such a connection with her when we make love. I just can’t get enough. We love going pass the point of No Return, bodies weak , can’t speak , to tried to eat, dehydrated and still wanting more. Guys , men , lovers of women or more so your woman. If you believe your woman has the ability to squirt , I implore you, do what It takes to get her there. You will be handsomely rewarded again and again.

  11. I wasn’t able to squirt until after being pregnant. I did not deliver vaginally, I had a c section. It was like something between me and my husband just clicked. I will say it takes both vaginal and clit stimulation to be drenching but it has been the most amazing orgasm of my love life.

  12. My partner is 41 and we just discovered about two months ago that she can ejaculate. It started with an intense session in the kitchen when she, out of no where started to squirt like mad. I was on my knees finger fucking her and it just happened. She won’t or can’t yet do it during intercourse but when I finger her, I can almost get her off on command. Now, I can make her do it every time and it gets better and better. She can’t get enough and I have to admit that it’s pretty groovy from the guys end as well.

  13. I have been asked if I can “squirt” many times. I suppose because I am in the adult magazine business. I’ve never done movies, just magazine layouts and none with men. My answer has always been “no, and I don’t want to “. I’ve always seen ejaculation as being very male. It doesn’t seem to be a feminine and/or sexy thing to do. I still don’t see the point. It’s not as if women are raving about how good it feels. I’m also physically capable of hawking up a phlegm ball, but why would I want to? It seems like something women are trying to do to please men. I just don’t understand it. It seems that the cervical orgasm is a more sensible goal, if we are talking about our own pleasure here. If I am wrong and this is something that I am missing out on please let me know.

    • Oh my god to actually ejaculate is awesome! I’m 39 and I was 27 the very first time I ejaculated. it is a sexual relief. its absolutely awesome

    • It’s amazing Cortney. The more orgasms the better. Don’t close your mind to it. It’s a natural high most euphoric!

    • I am very orgasmic and have been with a great man for four years who has always pleased me making love. We started talking about squirting and then began experimenting. I was always happy before so I wasn’t stresses about NOT being able to squirt if it didn’t happen. But it did and it was fabulous for both of us. At first it was a lot of work to get it right but the whole learning experience brought us even closer. I understand what you are saying about it being more about pleasing a man but in our case its very special and gratifying for both of us. I believe the squirt orgasm is more intense because its a deeper and closer experience. I also believe its wonderful and gratifying for the man because he gets a visual and a sense of loving accomplishment. I don’t think women are missing out if they don’t squirt but I do think they are missing out if they dont orgasm at all.

      • I agree with you. Making love is about the connection. I am very fortunate, my current love, soulmate,seeker of adventure and close friend. She is a squirter. Having the ability to experience and take a vital part in helping her to achieve and almost out of body experience is like a dream cum true. For me the event of my love squirting feels as If I have received the golden key to unlocking her heart.

    • Oh hell yes to cervical orgasm!! Oh I’m so glad I found your comment here. And the male comments here about being rewarded by squirting plus the tone of the whole article being predicated on Alexander’s authority has me wicked agreeing with you. This seems to be a goal of presenting visible validation to one’s lover. Tsk.

    • it is a most amazing experience to ejaculate, I didn’t even really know I could do it until I started sleeping with my current partner. I had done it once many years ago with my husband and we didn’t really realize what it was we just though it was a huge vaginal secretion not until many years later after his death and being with the only other man I could ever trust and feel as comfortable with did I “learn” how to do it. With gentle coaxing and bonding did it happen now it happens most every time we have sex. Only from losing my husband at a young age, I was only 42, did I realize life is way too short to not try and get every bit of enjoyment out of it as possible.

  14. What a fantastic article, thank you so much for bringing such rich and empowering content to the net. Yes, women, we can ejaculate, it’s wonderful, healing and SUPER erotic. This is the sex education missing from the current curriculum. Thank you again!

  15. I discovered my own female ejaculation in the shower! I had done it once before with my husband and was shocked and confused because I didn’t know what had happened. My husband knew what it was from porn – he was pretty excited about it! Then I was really self-conscious about getting the bed soaked, but playing in the shower helped me get over that. It doesn’t happen every time, but if I’m really aroused it will. I’d love to learn how to control the ejaculation better so it doesn’t go everywhere, though. Are there any tips for learning/practicing this?

  16. Hi, I’m trying suprise my boyfriend with learning how to make myself squirt because we have tried before and we felt like sometimes we were close but it never really happened. However I’ve tried myself and I personally feel like my fingers are way to short to satisfy me. Can you please give me any advice.

    • Hello Adrian,

      This is the publisher here at No Shame In Sex, Todd.

      Ms. J, the author to whom you addressed your question, is currently in Cambodia and is overwhelmed working at a magazine. Please allow me to make a suggestion. This will require the need for a friend if you are having difficulty reaching.

      After getting a bit excited, try kneeling with your head and shoulders down on a bed. This is a butt in the sky position. Then your “friend” kneeling behind can insert fingers from behind and reach as far back and down as can be comfortably done. (like reaching in toward the belly button and massaging downward where the fingers are not just making contact but actually applying some pressure (trial and error) with areas beyond the urethra. If you can make contact this way, you should be able to reproduce it laying on your back.

      If you can’t create a squirt this way you may try a vibrator with a distinct curve to massage the same areas between tummy and urethra. When making love try hitting the same spot. Try laying on your back with knees in a mans hands pushed toward your shoulders. The trick here is to try to get the same spot with the wiener. When a man is inside from behind, if he moves his whole frame up, meaning closer to your head, the pressure on one side to the gate of joy will become a fulcrum that will direct the penis to rubbing between the urethra and belly button.

      Have fun exploring and don’t be afraid to try lots of new things. You may discover your own favorites ways along the way. I wish for you much joy.


      • Hi my boyfriend has been trying to make me ejaculate but when the time comes I get afraid and can’t let it out I feel like I gotta pee and I freeze and I know is not that cuz I use the bathroom before anything but when I get the feeling I push him off and run to the bathroom and that’s when it comes out I don’t know what to do because I would love to share the experience with him

        • Sharon Dalzell

          Your question reminds me of how sexual stimulation made me feel the ‘urge to pee’ and that intimidated me. During passionate fucking I would get the ‘oh no, I gotta pee’ sensation, which I would sometimes ignore, or sometimes I would break the ‘action’ and go relieve what I assumed was my bladder. I thought my urethra was being irritated by friction. I never connected it to emission orgasm, in those days it was prior to me experiencing orgasm at all, as much as I enjoyed sexual feeling. I wrote how I found my orgasm you might check that piece out. I talk a little about my awkward wonderful adventures.

          Once I discovered an orgasm I have also experienced some emission orgasms. I certainly have had great joy both with and without them. I wish to say I think it important that you not impose that as a goal because it may cause stress. Just let go and enjoy the discovery. Here is one suggestion. Take some plastic (hardware store paint aisle) and cover the bed under the sheet so you don’t have to be afraid. Tell your partner ‘please don’t make any joke or off color comment’ because you are going beyond your comfort zone, swimming this far out is vulnerable. It is ok to crawl before you walk and some support from those nearby as you try new things is so valuable. If he can allow you to let go no matter what happens and even if nothing happens you will be grateful. Then let whatever happens, happen. Your body is the canvas and your sensation the paint and each painting will be different. Don’t be afraid to get paint all over you and your lover because that is what it is to be in a creative experience. This is not a race so you can try this as many times as you like. If you squirt or not, it’s ok. If you pee or not, it’s ok. If you cum or not, it’s ok. It is all just the kind of play that we grown ups get to try out and see what we like.

          Remember, for everyone it is trial and error. Don’t compare yourself to others, or rather, what you think about others. This is your adventure so take anything that helps and find ‘your’ way to do it.



          • u r just plain stupid, urine is only about 2% of squirt. just ask women that do squirt, your just a psycho slut feminazi.

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