Why are we afraid to have sex with friends? We fear to fall from the heights of affection, and we have probably witnessed this happen. The reason for this fall is we start thinking in terms of expectations, we start treating people like property and the friendship dies. When we give people a role to play, and judge them according to the results, we lose friends for the same reason we probably lost other lovers. If we want to make love to a friend, do NOT insist that they become just a means to our unrealized hopes. People don’t exist to serve our purposes!
To lose a friend, which is a good unto itself, by insisting these people are now a means to some other end is a terrible loss. Before we drop a friendship OR sexual ecstasy, consider dropping the presumptuous expectations, they are only ideas. Then enjoy the ecstasy. Our friend can gain weight, grow old, tell the truth, fuck whoever they want, and go on an extended trip and still be so dear to us that we meet them again and again with open arms.
Friendship is the highest form of love.
By Todd Vickers
Photo of Todd Vickers and Sharon Dalzell in 1999
Photo by another lover that we miss.
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