By Todd Vickers
Why would I say there is unreasonable respect for old relationship beliefs?
At a party, a woman lamented that she had to divide all her assets twice in two divorces. She said the next time she gets married, the man will have more stuff than her. When three people asked why she would get married again, she replied in a circular way, “I’m just the marrying type.” And the conversation ended since there seemed no point. If someone answered the question, why do you repeatedly burn your hand on the tea kettle, to say, – I’m just the hand burning type – makes little sense. Even if my example is too strong, neither answer adds anything to what we already knew before asking the questions.
This seems to be unreasonable respect
for old relationship beliefs.
With some exceptions, it is often between ages of 45 – 60, that the loyalty to a relationship strategy, that has failed repeatedly, is questioned. That seems tragic to me. Regardless, the momentum of the familiar strategy lives on. The old beliefs about relationships seem to me an arbitrary limit, like a fish swimming in an area the size of a fish bowl out of habit after release into the ocean. The metaphor of fishbowl symbolizes mental habits (beliefs) about relationships. It’s difficult to see the flaws in relationship beliefs, even if someone questions their beliefs. Individuals either resign themselves to hypocrisy; that means paying lip service to a belief and lying to live a secret life (cheating.) Or else, individuals surrender themselves to the routine, faulting themselves or blaming others for the redundant discontent.
“Before we point to admirable committed relationships, let’s distinguish between the admiration for affections and fortunate circumstances. More importantly, does what we admire in these sexual relationships only exist in our imagination? Haven’t we felt surprise when ideal lovers split and we realize the difference between our imagination and reality? When we witness committed relationships breakup, obviously the commitment did not secure the relationship. We cannot truly agree to love the same way tomorrow. A guarantee is commerce morality, not affection.”
In the past, people believed the world was flat, the strength of the belief did not make it true.
For all of those who step outside the opinion of their friends (the actual influence of society) and enter into the vulnerability of honest discovery in relationships, I salute you. You will not only be making new discoveries but also making new mistakes. That is better than making the same old mistakes. A few of our bold ancestors were willing to try something new in relationships. Because of them, the relations between men and women changed for the better. (Remember, men commonly used to treat women as their property.) Most importantly, changes will continue for the better as people find new ways to connect vulnerable hearts and discovering minds. Similarly, those who truthfully stop swimming in the fishbowl of old beliefs, they are the vanguard for the new discoveries that will make relationships better, now and into the future.