Author: Todd Vickers

Go Beyond Jealousy

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Todd Vickers

I want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive emotion change. Unfortunately, the inquiry may not come spontaneously, as jealousy arises, intense feeling and finding some relief from the anguish may seem the only problem. Most of us see many faults in self-centered possessiveness but that does not necessarily stop the distress. While seeking security by… Read More

How I Had A Big Ass Conversion

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By Todd Vickers At times, the wonders of curvy women seem overlooked. This regrettable fad harms both men and women and I hope my experience will help open some minds. However, stating any attraction to women involves sexist hazards, booby traps if you will. Sexism is real and serious but to use chauvinism as an epithet to explain away any discomfort trivializes the issue and disadvantages women. I discuss some of these views of misogyny here. The women I thought sexy, growing up in late… Read More

How a Man Discusses Sex in the Shadow of Sexism

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A man risks the accusation, sometimes correctly, of objectifying women when discussing either sexual joy or desire. Male shaming may occur even if the focus is in favor of women’s pleasure or well-being. I recall refusing to have sex with a woman in spite of my strong wish. I insisted on the use of condoms (we had just met at a concert) and when I stood my ground, this beautiful mid thirties female insisted that I hated women. I do not think sexism used unfairly as… Read More

How I Found My Orgasm, Then Started Cumming in Color

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My Orgasm, By Sharon Dalzell At twenty five I had yet to experience an orgasm try as I might with a willing partner. I was fed up with wondering what the big fuss was about sex. I have since experienced an array of my orgasmic delights over the years beginning with my determination to experience any type of orgasm at all. Up till I came the first time, I honestly thought that pizza was a tastier treat than sex. My then husband found an old… Read More

Cathartic Orgasms

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The first time I ever saw a cathartic orgasm I was quite concerned.  Should I ring the ambulance or hope it passes?  ‘Cathartic orgasm’, by the way, is a phrase I coined to describe orgasms that have the same signs and symptoms as shock – light-headed-ness or a feeling of passing out, restlessness, confusion, shallow breathing, cool and clammy skin or profuse sweating, weakness and thirst.  While it is predominantly a physical release it is also an emotionally charged experience.  There is a plethora of… Read More

Commitment Involves Prediction

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People believe there can be no love in a relationship without some forecast. As if, biological or emotional aspects of human beings mysteriously cease to function without prediction. When we consider the many failures of commitment, doubt becomes even stronger. When we can point to one or more failures for every success, the positive examples do not prove that commitment helped! The belief in such prediction rests on nothing more then custom. Why not look at lovers as they are in the current circumstances and… Read More

Confessions of a Female Sex Tourist

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The fact that it took me almost twenty five years to realize I was a female sex tourist is not a defense. Check the screaming tabloids and anti-prostitution literature to confirm that sex tourism is totally unacceptable. Zero tolerance. Flash back to Cuba 1978. I was a 25-year old teacher working on a fly-in Indian reserve in northern Canada and I managed to escape for a week in the sun over the Easter break. The woman who was supposed to go with me cancelled at… Read More

Different Faces of Jealousy

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  Jealousy needs to be distinguished from envy as the fear of losing a person viewed as a possession. Envy springs from desire for things or people possessed by others. The tendency to view people as objects or means seems clear in both cases. Some who find great joy with sexually open lovers attempt to arrest the freedom that made the sex possible. Those who seek robust men or women for partners, and insist on monogamy when they are not physically compatible are more difficult… Read More

How to Deal With Jealousy

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How to Deal With Jealousy

How to Deal With Jealousy Pleasures rendered harmless through intelligence can liberate wonderful unnoticed possibilities. When a person desires more than one lover that longing probably will not find satisfaction through any amount of great sex with a single person. I live in open relationships and have done so for two decades. Anyone who tries to coerce a lover into such a lifestyle would be asking for a hellish reaction; such manipulation seems as cruel as trying to impose monogamy. Open relationships suffer the same… Read More

Discovering You Are Not Monogamous

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Meeting Jealousy Not everyone who is not monogamous has the temperament for open relationships. Yet, many have a disposition for deceit, those who are pretending to the custom. I support responsible open sexuality and do not mean to discourage this freedom. However, the emotional intensity involved suggests the need for the most direct honesty without wishful thinking. Chauvinistic cultures sadly make such truthfulness impossible. In a more open society, these qualities are still often lacking. Some think that traditional relationships offer a refuge from rivalry…. Read More

Slane Girl and Sex as a Weapon from Writing On Water

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A snippet… “Women are often treated badly when something wild becomes public. Look through the telescope revealing that custom isn’t the center of the universe. If you want a more juicy life, find safe and conscious participants. If on the contrary, the partners are more or less traditional-hypocrites (those words often run together) then the sex may get weapon-ized. Women are usually hit the hardest, as so many ladies have pointed out with the horrible double standard in cyber bullying.” READ MORE… Originally published this… Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 2

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Sacrificing for an Imagined Good When we believe the “right” relationship will secure good circumstances, we assume we know today what this bond should look like in the future. When we attempt to make human interaction similar to ideas we reject other alternatives. We turn our lovers into just a means. Let’s be clear, I use others as means but they have a value beyond that as ends. A lovers happiness, serving no purpose for me, is better than unhappiness obligated to me. People seduced… Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 1

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Don’t condemn body desires We are double-dealing with body pleasures if we speak of them in dreadful tones. We take risks with sex but the same is true of driving. Let us disapprove of recklessness, not varieties of joy rendered safe through intelligence. When sexual delights happen every day without injury, we should not blame sex for errors of judgment. If we condemn physical desires, confusion results, especially when we commonly indulge these joys. This inconsistency can be set right, at least in part, by… Read More

Women’s Self Concept

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Women are touchy about this issue. Though men have body concept problems I think women learn to judge their bodies by a much harsher standard than men.  Girls face different prejudices than boys with this body obsession. Many people think the anguish around body issues unreasonable. When they discuss the subject they qualify by saying something like; “I know the typical vain and competitive ideas about beauty are an absurd myth-fetish but…” Then they say what they believe (their body concept) that hurts them. That… Read More

What Do You Mean by Normal People

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The concept of normal people. If we have little or no interest in sex we may withhold that information from most people. If we have desires other than the customary, we probably tend to keep those private. These strategic  omissions allow others to fill in the blanks with common ideas. Remember many popular ideas we now reject i.e. a flat earth were thought normal. Let’s keep this in mind when considering the fuzzy concept of “normal” A belief that the majority of people fit in the… Read More

Marriage Industrial Complex

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No sexual freedom

Authority insisted that relaxed sexual freedom must be illegitimate. They built a fence around a birthright with shame. Then through the custom, they sell you a constrained pleasure. We appease the uncomfortable sexual limits of tradition through buying things commercially associated with sex. The consumer receives an illusion of security and faux potency with each purchase. Why not embrace sexual freedom? Prostitution, infidelity and porn are the counter weight to this contortion of instinct called custom.  Free, kind, generous, and inclusive sexuality gets perverted by convention… Read More