Polyamory Going Beyond Rules

Because polyamory is about affection not control.

 
 
 
 

Polyamory – Going Beyond Rules from NoShameInSex.Com Read More

How to Defend Our Sensuality, The Hippie in Us All

So Much BeautyI saw her in the temple, the same space that would be intentionally reduced to ashes in just a few hours. She was as nude as the day she first drew breath. The people around us wore various attire, some quite revealing, some very plain, some festive. Perhaps more than a few folks had altered their states by taking substances. … Read More

How to Let Go of Sexual Customs – Be Bold

Kings.ClergyThe honor we pay to fictional ideas about love and sex is simply customary, like the undeserved deference our ancestors felt they must pay to king and clergy. These ideas, even when false, have real power. Some of our forebears undoubtedly believed in the truth, importance and obligation of their beliefs. Many people were cruel, destructive and willing sacrifice their own lives to undeserving authority because they thought … Read More

Can Casual Sex Be Loving? Yes, It Can.

Leveque BacchanaliaI am not saying that all casual sex is loving any more than I would say the same about all marriages. Our society’s blind spots around sex are worse because we tend to trust customs and support these ideas with awkward feelings, including, but not limited to, fear, contempt and envy. If we combine our experience(s) of disappointment and a dread of disease … Read More

Female Ejaculation Learning to Squirt Orgasm

Female EjaculationAs soon as we’d ordered lunch at the local Japanese restaurant I launched into my story of the week. “I’ve just discovered female ejaculation.”

Sonja rolled her eyes slightly, “Oh yes. Men really get off on that because it makes them feel powerful to watch a woman squirt.”

“Can you do that?”

“Yes.”

“So why haven’t you told me?”

Read More

When We Explore Sexual Kindness

Pandore Wikimedia CommonsWe will probably face fear or prejudice, including our own, when we dare to cross the frontiers of personal and social bias to explore sexual kindness. We hold dear, protect and offer to others the freedom to have new experiences and discover what gives them sexual joy. When others are having such delights, we can embody this kindness or corrupt it. In a situation with more than one lover, the gravity of this subject increases.

Our desire to be truthful is a real merit but we must avoid the honesty facade. Sometimes coercive motivations hide behind being honest. What is power? It is the ability to make people do what they would not do otherwise. We do not need power to make people do what they want.

Should we keep from imposing our “honesty” when our lover’s are in the midst of joy with others? Let us be extremely honest with ourselves first. Are we frightened by our lovers eyes shining like lanterns while looking upon another or does a problem (something harmful) really exist? For some of us this question is very difficult.

As a kindness the least that we can do is not automatically speak, especially if we believe we must justify ourselves by some abstract principle or enforce some arbitrary limit. Can we let others have the ecstasy we probably want for ourselves? How many sweet moments, both in or out of bed, do people interrupt wanting to “share” a feeling when they are really just imposing? We humans are events in nature and like the whether; we are a part of the environment others must deal with.

Unlike the weather we can rain on a celebration when it suits us, even compel others to seek shelter from the storm.

If we have an unpleasant feeling, that does not make the circumstances wrong. We can induce discomfort in ourselves and others with unfounded beliefs. Many bigots indeed feel uncomfortable when they come across racially mixed lovers. When we have an idea of the way things “should be” and treat all else as something wrong, we assume infallible judgment. This is not so unlike the racist. The issue here is prejudice provoking our emotions, not the differences between varieties of narrow-mindedness. When the world transgresses our expectations, it does not mean the world is, wrong.

[Beware] …of an idea abstracted from the concretes of experience and then used to oppose and negate what it was abstracted from… The ‘sentimentalist fallacy’ is to shed tears over abstract justice and generosity, beauty, etc., and never to know these qualities when you meet them in the street, because the circumstances make them vulgar.
William James

Because I Can | By Todd VickersMost of us do not have the opportunity to live in ideal circumstances, but that does not negate the discovery of something outside of our expectations. Sometimes what we find is not just unexpected, but worthwhile, even life changing, like varieties of love existing beyond our previous understanding. Our creation of the opportunities for intimate discovery  are less important than our avoidance of  unconsciously destroying those possibilities.

By Todd Vickers

Please consider supporting this website with a donation, at the bottom of page.

Edit: Grammar and Structure 7/11/2014

Thank You Wikimedia Commons: Image Link

Go Beyond Jealousy

On jealousy by Todd VickersI want to talk about identity as perhaps the most important and often overlooked part of going beyond jealousy. Let us ask “who” gets jealous. If we will look at our own self-concept, the questions around this destructive emotion change. Unfortunately, the inquiry may not come spontaneously, as jealousy arises, intense feeling and finding some relief from the anguish may seem the … Read More

How I Had A Big Ass Conversion

Todd SketchBy Todd Vickers

At times, the wonders of curvy women seem overlooked. This regrettable fad harms both men and women and I hope my experience will help open some minds. However, stating any attraction to women involves sexist hazards, booby traps if you will. Sexism is real and serious but to use chauvinism as an epithet to explain away any discomfort trivializes the issue … Read More

How I Found My Orgasm, Then Started Cumming in Color

My OrgasmMy Orgasm, By Sharon Dalzell

At twenty five I had yet to experience an orgasm try as I might with a willing partner. I was fed up with wondering what the big fuss was about sex. I have since experienced an array of my orgasmic delights over the years beginning with my determination to experience any type of orgasm at all. Up till … Read More

Cathartic Orgasms

Cathartic OrgasmsThe first time I ever saw a cathartic orgasm I was quite concerned.  Should I ring the ambulance or hope it passes?  ‘Cathartic orgasm’, by the way, is a phrase I coined to describe orgasms that have the same signs and symptoms as shock – light-headed-ness or a feeling of passing out, restlessness, confusion, shallow breathing, cool and clammy skin or profuse sweating, weakness and thirst.  While it is predominantly … Read More

Different Faces of Jealousy

Battle for a Woman  Jealousy needs to be distinguished from envy as the fear of losing a person viewed as a possession. Envy springs from desire for things or people possessed by others. The tendency to view people as objects or means seems clear in both cases.

Some who find great joy with sexually open lovers attempt to … Read More

How to Deal With Jealousy

How to Deal With Jealousy How to Deal With Jealousy

Pleasures rendered harmless through intelligence can liberate wonderful unnoticed possibilities. When a person desires more than one lover that longing probably will not find satisfaction through any amount of great sex with a single person. I live in open relationships and have done so for two decades. Anyone who tries … Read More

Discovering You Are Not Monogamous

Not Monogamous Meeting JealousyMeeting Jealousy

Not everyone who is not monogamous has the temperament for open relationships. Yet, many have a disposition for deceit, those who are pretending to the custom. I support responsible open sexuality and do not mean to discourage this freedom. However, the emotional intensity involved suggests the need for the most direct honesty without wishful thinking. Chauvinistic culturesRead More

Hobbled Hearts Part 2

Chained BrideSacrificing for an Imagined Good

When we believe the “right” relationship will secure good circumstances, we assume we know today what this bond should look like in the future. When we attempt to make human interaction similar to ideas we reject other alternatives. We turn our lovers into just a means. Let’s be clear, I use others as … Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 1

Hobbled Hearts Don’t condemn body desires

We are double-dealing with body pleasures if we speak of them in dreadful tones. We take risks with sex but the same is true of driving. Let us disapprove of recklessness, not varieties of joy rendered safe through intelligence. When sexual delights happen every day without injury, we should not blame sex for errors of judgment.

If we condemn physical desires, confusion … Read More