May you all have joyous titillation and sweetest affection this holiday season. Be your delights mild our wild, may your toes curl and your mind fall silent in ecstasy. Remember you don’t need to rely on ecstasies to have a quiet mind, but it don’t hurt either. Todd Vickers Read More
How to find your passion? If we remove what is lewd from the definition of lust, we get a fire of passion! Let’s stoke this fire, as hot as we like. Let us warm the whole house! But let us not be careless. Don’t start it with gas. We want more than ashes wet with tears. We want a place for many guests to feel welcome and wish to return. Whether or not someone accepts an invitation for sex, let receiving one always be good… Read More
What is commitment? If we say it is dedication to a cause or activity remember another person is not an idea or something we do. When humans became domesticated the concept of property became relevant. Men started treating women as property. In finding a better morality, men offered themselves as property in return. Relationships became more equal but still a person is not property. Business and affection should be judged by different standards. You don’t need a commitment to have a friend and friends are… Read More
We can break out of old sexual beliefs and restrictions without being destructive. Any education about sex or sex book should include observations about restraint. Good sex is better when we are more informed. Read More
If we define slut in a denigrating way. Slut meaning to imagine a woman is outside of the custom sexually. We suffer from lousy reasoning. See what the professor has to say about it. The Folly of Slut Shaming – How to Stop from NoShameInSex.Com Read More
Possessiveness is a bad idea Read More
Poly Monsters of Imagination from NoShameInSex.Com Read More
My criticism of abstinence only sex education rests on these grounds. Censored education is reckless because it suggests that young people will make better decisions by being uninformed. This idea is a felony against intellectual honesty itself. Regardless of intentions, abstinence only sex education is a lie of omission. A denial of relevant facts in defense of ideals suggests to me that, for some people, their belief is more important than the well-being of any young person whose suffering could be avoided by access to… Read More
A wonderful short documentary about the Bonobo Ape. This make love not war, sex for joy sake creature, raises a question about ourselves. Not that we should live in trees. Though I’m not against that mind you. I’m just noting one difference between the Bonobo and the violent Chimpanzee that dominates females. I became an adult as part of a free love commune. When females feel safe, there seems to be a lot more pleasure shared by all. Bonobo Documentary from Tani Ikeda on Vimeo. Read More
Because polyamory is about affection not control. Polyamory – Going Beyond Rules from NoShameInSex.Com Read More
I saw her in the temple, the same space that would be intentionally reduced to ashes in just a few hours. She was as nude as the day she first drew breath. The people around us wore various attire, some quite revealing, some very plain, some festive. Perhaps more than a few folks had altered their states by taking substances. It approached one in the morning. The chill imposed, but not enough to interrupt this curly-haired beauty from meeting the space with her skin. Her… Read More
The angst often associated with relationships may not be because a a problem exists, but because the events are different than our expectations. Letting go of unrealistic ideals becomes more important in non-monogamous relationships. We tend to cling to beliefs when we feel out of control and we use power to defend them. The use of emotional blackmail, coercion, wild accusations and threats to achieve our aims is itself destructive. Do not pole-vault over mouse turds! Such behavior does not lend itself to trust or… Read More
The honor we pay to fictional ideas about love and sex is simply customary, like the undeserved deference our ancestors felt they must pay to king and clergy. These ideas, even when false, have real power. Some of our forebears undoubtedly believed in the truth, importance and obligation of their beliefs. Many people were cruel, destructive and willing sacrifice their own lives to undeserving authority because they thought it good to do so. “Men—not saints or philosophers, but common herds and crowds—are constantly frenzied into… Read More
We are creatures capable of amazing altered states that we enjoy. We find our way to discovering what those things are. We can even help others to have that excitement. But lets remember, what ever your consensual thing may be, a little humor can do us a lot of good. Read More
Q: You felt it necessary to be anonymous for this interview. I think it says something about our so-called freedom of speech. Why do you feel the need to be anonymous? M: I live in a small town, and I have children. I’m not sure that I want the judgment of my church-going neighbors to be carried out on my innocent children. Who knows what reactions might take place? Would my children be teased or shunned at school or in the neighborhood? This isn’t their… Read More
Many non-traditional folks carry conclusions that seem to rest on bias left over from tradition. For example, in a recent piece, Louisa Leontiades discussed applying the lessons of open relationships to monogamous relationships. I agree with her about many things, but we part ways when she starts to explain both success and failure by the same idea. In other words, her belief can never be false, then I explain how such ideas are a superstitions relationship mythology. The four indented quotes that follow are from… Read More
In sexual relationships, consider the anguish of those that try everything they learned to do in order to succeed and still suffer. People often attempt what their contemporaries and therapists suggest, to create lasting relationships. Regardless of the money spent and sincere efforts, many do not find satisfaction following a set of directions to build or sustain sexual affections. Therefore, I question the assumptions upon which this system is built even though the ideas in question are popular among both monogamists and non-traditionalists. Some may… Read More
I am not saying that all casual sex is loving any more than I would say the same about all marriages. I am saying, What would make any meeting worth thirty years would also make any meeting worth one night. Our society’s blind spots around sex are worse because we tend to trust customs and support these ideas with awkward feelings, including, but not limited to, fear, contempt and envy. If we combine our experience(s) of disappointment and a dread of disease into this mix,… Read More
Why are we afraid to have sex with friends? We fear to fall from the heights of affection, and we have probably witnessed this happen. The reason for this fall is we start thinking in terms of expectations, we start treating people like property and the friendship dies. When we give people a role to play, and judge them according to the results, we lose friends for the same reason we probably lost other lovers. If we want to make love to a friend, do… Read More
If you are wise and find it unacceptable when truth opposes a craving, you understand “integrity” serves no purpose unless it achieves our desire. Doubtless, some “square” will tell us this pragmatic approach supposes we don’t need to adapt to facts of life. Well, if we want facts, we can search the internet. Just as if there is something altogether “strange, or alien” in the hamburger, something neither meat, fish or foul”, what of it? Did not hunger subside upon eating? Was it tasty? What… Read More
