Mistaking Means for Ends in Love

Having-or-notMistaking means for ends in love is one of the worst and common mistakes. What we learned about love often makes our love pretentious, an insane dream-world that murders affection. A commitment necessarily views people as means to some goal. Anything that we can commit to doing can be done without affection. Commitment is not love. We cannot promise to feel the same way tomorrow … Read More

Our Sexual Value Judgments

Yang_Guifei_Mounting_a_HorseThe way we learn to judge our sex partners is questionable. We see our bias whenever ideal partnerships break up in spite of what seems the best of circumstances. Often we mistake means for ends. In American culture, we typically put down harmless affections and pleasure of great intrinsic value and treat them as superficial when those things lack money, beauty, or the people … Read More

Sexual Idealism

sexual idealismConcening sexual idealism, I discuss with my beloved Sharon various topics, including sex, the morning news and our plans for the day. One day our conversation turned to the free love of the 1960s. A postmortem on the ‘60s is nothing new. My thoughts on that era I passed by Sharon’s critical eye who, being 21 years my senior, lived through that … Read More

We Believed Lies About Commitments

Commitment Security

What is commitment? If we say it is dedication to a cause or activity remember another  person is not an idea or something we do. When humans became domesticated the concept of property became relevant. Men started treating women as property. In finding a better morality, men offered themselves … Read More

The Risk of Sexual Suppression

We can break out of old sexual beliefs and restrictions without being destructive.

Any education about sex or sex book should include observations about restraint. Good sex is better when we are more informed.

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The Folly of Slut Shaming

1 The FollyIf we define slut in a denigrating way. Slut meaning to imagine a woman is outside of the custom sexually. We suffer from lousy reasoning. See what the professor has to say about it.

The Folly of Slut Shaming – How to Stop from Read More

Polyamorous Monsters of Imagination

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Poly Monsters of Imagination from NoShameInSex.Com Read More

New Arguments Against Abstinence Only Sex Education

Abstinence Only Sex EducationMy criticism of abstinence only sex education rests on these grounds. Censored education is reckless because it suggests that young people will make better decisions by being uninformed. This idea is a felony against intellectual honesty itself. Regardless of intentions, abstinence only sex education is a lie of omission. A denial of relevant facts … Read More

Polyamorous Expectations Dare Letting Go

The angst often associated with relationships may not be because a a problem exists, but because the events are different than our expectations.

Letting go of unrealistic ideals becomes more important in non-monogamous relationships.

We tend to cling to beliefs when we feel out of control and we use power to defend them. The use of emotional blackmail, coercion, wild accusations and threats to … Read More

The Polyamorous Caravan – Part Two

Huguet_A-Caravan-Crossing-The-DesertMany non-traditional folks carry conclusions that seem to rest on bias left over from tradition. For example, in a recent piece, Louisa Leontiades discussed applying the lessons of open relationships to monogamous relationships. I agree with her about many things, but we part ways when she starts to explain both success and failure by the same idea. In other words, her belief can never … Read More

The Polyamorous Caravan – Part One

Benwell_Caravan-with-the-Pyramids-and-Sphinx-beyondIn sexual relationships, consider the anguish of those that try everything they learned to do in order to succeed and still suffer. People often attempt what their contemporaries and therapists suggest, to create lasting relationships. Regardless of the money spent and sincere efforts, many do not find satisfaction following a set of directions to build or sustain sexual affections. Therefore, I question the … Read More

Having Sex with Friends

LadyWhy are we afraid to have sex with friends? We fear to fall from the heights of affection, and we have probably witnessed this happen. The reason for this fall is we start thinking in terms of expectations, we start treating people like property and the friendship dies. When we give people a role to play, and judge them according to the results, we … Read More

We Lose When We Withhold Love

NarcissusWe distort our capacity to love others with reference to an imaginary future. We see ourselves in this story and believe we know what love will do for us. We use emotion to force others to do what they “should”; what we desire; what we have in mind. We even withhold and limit love as a threat, ignoring the fact that death stalks us … Read More

Prostitution can be bad, neutral, or good!

NudeOur society suffers an epidemic of people seeking their own ends at the expense of others. Do not exclude the everyday folks outside of public view. Workaday people can make decisions or carry out boardroom choices that harm. When insurance companies deny a legitimate claim, some administrator cranks out the form letter. They probably know it is wrong but they have … Read More

How I Had A Big Ass Conversion

Todd SketchBy Todd Vickers

At times, the wonders of curvy women seem overlooked. This regrettable fad harms both men and women and I hope my experience will help open some minds. However, stating any attraction to women involves sexist hazards, booby traps if you will. Sexism is real and serious but to use chauvinism as an epithet to explain away any discomfort trivializes the issue … Read More

How a Man Discusses Sex in the Shadow of Sexism

Benjamin West - Cymon and Iphigenia 1766A man risks the accusation, sometimes correctly, of objectifying women when discussing either sexual joy or desire. Male shaming may occur even if the focus is in favor of women’s pleasure or well-being. I recall refusing to have sex with a woman in spite of my strong wish. I insisted on the use of condoms (we had … Read More

Commitment Involves Prediction

LargeLeftSideGirlPeople believe there can be no love in a relationship without some forecast.

As if, biological or emotional aspects of human beings mysteriously cease to function without prediction.

When we consider the many failures of commitment, doubt becomes even stronger. When we can point to one or more failures for every success, the positive examples do not prove that commitment helped! … Read More

Confessions of a Female Sex Tourist

Jodi HansonThe fact that it took me almost twenty five years to realize I was a female sex tourist is not a defense.

Check the screaming tabloids and anti-prostitution literature to confirm that sex tourism is totally unacceptable. Zero tolerance.

Flash back to Cuba 1978. I was a 25-year old teacher working on a fly-in Indian reserve in northern Canada and I managed to escape for a week in the sun over the Easter … Read More

Hobbled Hearts Part 1

Hobbled Hearts Don’t condemn body desires

We are double-dealing with body pleasures if we speak of them in dreadful tones. We take risks with sex but the same is true of driving. Let us disapprove of recklessness, not varieties of joy rendered safe through intelligence. When sexual delights happen every day without injury, we should not blame sex for errors of judgment.

If we condemn physical desires, confusion … Read More